a story of Pip.

The other day, i was determined to get rid of my farmer's tan, and I also wanted to get a little bit burnt (but only a little), because usually that keeps me from getting too burnt the rest of the summer. However, even the best, most well-laid plans go awry, and i ended up getting absolutely toasted. But just neck to waist-line on my front side as well as my shoulders. So it's stays hidden to the unaware and innocent bystander, all the while with pain happening underneath my soft Gap v-neck. i only mention the t-shirt because i have a few of those particular products from the Gap ("cause i'm the Gap, like Banana Republic and Old Navy"), and the reason i have them is because they are the softest things i've ever felt and because such softness helps to alleviate the discomfort of my skin being a color which God did no bestow upon me at birth.

i applied for a job at Starbucks. i love coffee, and i love Starbucks, so maybe i'll work there. The reason i hope to work there or to get a job waiting tables or some other such non-accounting job is pretty interesting and hugely educational to me in the way of the education you receive outside a classroom and which has basically nothing to do with anything in the realm of school. i had great expectations--and for those of you who have read that book, you will know even more astutely what i'm talking about--in regards to a job in Richmond, Virginia. Everything about this job, including the part about me finding out about it completely "randomly," seemed to point to the fact that it was the coolest opportunity ever, and that it was God's will. And all of it, as i am finding out now, was in fact God's will, just not the part about me actually going to Richmond and working. Here's the thing, God does stuff to teach us. He is intimately aware of the deepest parts of our lives that need changing, and only He can change them. But sometimes the change is weird and unexpected and something we don't see as good. i was really pissed off that this didn't work out. i was angry that i now had nowhere to work that was "cool" for my resume, and i was angry because that meant there would be something on my resume that would hurt my stupid, stupid pride. i was scared because i had no idea what was going to happen and i hate not knowing, as has been the discussion topic of several of my posts. And i was confused, because it had all seemed, as we cliche-holic Christians say, like a "God-thing." It was. i just had to realize that a "my-thing" and a "God-thing" aren't necessarily the same.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,"
declares the LORD.

"As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts."

Isaiah 55:8,9

i have realized over the past couple of weeks that my arrogance in this case went so far as to assume things about God's will that i had no business assuming. i took for granted some things foolishly. i celebrated the last 10 meters of the proverbial race and got passed. And when it didn't work out like i was so dead-sure it would, that all led to me becoming moody toward my girlfriend; it led to me being angry; it led to me worrying way too much; and in short, it kept my eyes off of God and His proven character, and on me and how i was going to have to fix things. This was not okay. It was sin.

Like a recovering alcoholic, i am a recovering addict to being in first-place, of winning and believing i was solely responsible for victory. Pride, in the general sense, is the root of all sin, for it was the original sin. But there are those of us whom pride affects on an additional, more specific level such that it is extremely difficult to accept losing of any type. It is from that that i continue a long journey towards healing through the God of the universe that humbled Himself to death, even death on a cross.

For you and i.