6/24/08

He is not small.

This little cheap god we've made up is one you can pal around with--"the Man upstairs," the fellow who helps you win baseball games. That god isn't the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. He isn't the God who laid the foundations of the heaven and the earth; he's some other god....He's not the true God. He's not the infinite perfect, all-knowing, all-wise, all-loving, infinitely boundless, perfect God. He's something short of that. Christianity is decaying and going down into the gutter because the god of modern Christianity is not the God of the Bible. I don't mean to say that we do not pray to God; I mean to say that we pray to a god short of what he ought to be. We have got to think of God as being the perfect One.

~A.W. Tozer

That's convicting. At least it is to me. What's the use in claiming to follow a god if he isn't really God. THE God. Sure I'll tell you that God answers prayer and that He's faithful to keep His promises, but then I'll turn right around and neglect to give financially because I'm in a pinch. Last time I checked, God promises to meet our needs. The problem is that my mouth says one thing, but my heart follows my brain, which tells me I need to keep that money to myself and get myself out of my own bind. Personal pronouns abound. And there is a stench. I suppose when you and I stop focusing so much on our carnal selves and start giving God some attention and respect--fear even--then we will start seeing Him work in huge ways. You see, we can't limit God's attributes or characteristics, but we can to a certain extent limit how He impacts our lives. He won't force us to be blessed. He won't do big things in our lives if we make Him small in our eyes.

6/18/08

Kobe Bryant

if anyone ever compares Kobe Bryant to Michael Jordan ever again, I think I will kick them in the achilles tendon. He does not win championships (his three rings are due to the presence of Shaq). He scores points when it doesn't matter. He plays defense only when he feels like it. He licks his lips in a disturbing fashion wayyyy too often and I wonder how much chapstick he must use. Must i go on? I'm sorry, but i had to write that. Go Celtics.

6/17/08

I have no title for this post.

there is nowhere I can go
where You are not with me
and the beat of my heart
is for You and You only

I have nothing to offer You,
Savior, You are my everything
I have nothing to give You, Lord
But the life that You've given me

my soul cries out to You,
Mighty Conqueror of the grave
I am thirsty! Living Water
Come and fill me!

These eyes of mine are weak
But they are looking for You
O Lion of Judah, return
Rule Your Kingdom on this earth


That's all. just a little song/poem that came to me. Sometime i might put music to it. If anyone that reads this (and i don't know if there's enough of you to go past the fifth digit of my left foot to count you) ever has anything you've written--whether poetry or lyrics or prose or anything--i would be extremely happy to read it. Furthermore, I enjoy reading anything, so if there are blogs that you read or books or anything, I would love to get info about them. It would give me more to write this thing about.

goede nacht.

6/14/08

"There is no pit so deep that He is not deeper still."

The thunder of Your voice
Fills my heart,
Still I can hear you whisper
In the Dark.

Psalm 33:16-22

"No king is saved by the size of his army;
no warrior escapes by his great strength
A horse is a vain hope for deliverance
despite all its great strength it cannot save.
But the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear Him,
on those whose hope is in His unfailing love,
to deliver them from death
and keep them alive in famine.

We wait in hope for the Lord;
He is our help and our shield.
In Him our hearts rejoice,
for we trust in His holy name.
May Your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord,
even as we put our hope in You."


How often do I forget that incredible promise! I put my hope in myself or in the things around me, and forget about the unfailing love of Jesus Christ. WHY? Doesn't Romans 8 say that "neither death nor life, neither angels or demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord"? Whether or not we keep this amazing truth in our focus or not determines a great deal. When we remember His boundless love for us, we then have the courage to go out into the world with the brightest Light in our hearts to salt the earth with the gospel of Jesus. If not, if we forget like I so often do, then we become spineless. Acts is full of men who kept their hope in God's unfailing love rather than in themselves. In the fifth chapter, Peter and the apostles have been doing incredible things around Jerusalem, performing miracles and convicting people about Jesus. To make a long story short, they get thrown in jail for preaching about the true Messiah. However, an angel opened the doors of the jail that night, and then continued the next day. Well, the guys who put them in jail in the first place (the Sadducees) had them put on trial before a group of religious leaders who called themselves the Sanhedrin. Again, they tell Peter and the others to cease and desist. Peter tells them that he listens to God, and they are contradicting Him (doesn't make them too happy). It ends up that they don't kill these guys yet, but they have them flogged (cat of nine tails, look it up, it could kill you). Here's the part that I love so much. It says in verse 41 that "The apostles left the Sanhedrin, rejoicing that they had been counted worthy of suffering disgrace for the Name. Day after day, in the temple courts and from house to house, they never stopped teaching and proclaiming the good news that Jesus is the Christ." That is absolutely mind-boggling to me. They rejoiced because they were privileged enough to suffer for the Name. The Name stood for redemption. It stood for the hope that they had. "Therefore God exalted Him to the highest place and gave Him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father." Along with the Name comes His unfailing love. That needs to be my focus, so that I can truly say with conviction "I love You, more than life."

6/10/08

Fairness or Grace?

As you can tell from the title of this blog, I am pretty passionate about the subject of grace. Well, what in the world is it? And why do I think that it's the greatest thing that's happened to me?

So, you are sitting across the table from God. He says to you, "You've got two choices, and two choices only. The choice you make will decide your eternal destiny." Then He puts the first choice on the table. It's labeled "Fairness." "Fairness involves you doing what you can to get yourself to heaven. And then, because you can never be perfect, I will send you to Hell where you belong. It's only fair, because I require righteous perfection, and I told you that 'there is no one righteous, not even one.' You choose to sin on the regular basis. The responsibility lies on no one else's shoulders but your own. Don't you see? It's very fair." Well that doesn't sound too exciting to you, but you hold off on your decision until you can see the second choice. So God throws fairness off the table and then puts the second choice in its place. "Grace" is the title that it carries. "Your second choice is Grace. Mercy is just allowing you to live on Earth without me striking you dead, but I will go even further and give you Grace. Unmerited favor. Basically, while you cursed me with your life, I sent my Son to die in your place. That sacrifice was enough to make you perfect in my sight. It was enough to cross an eternal chasm of death that fairness would have plunged you into. 'My grace is sufficient for you.' All that you have to do is just believe. Make Grace your choice, and you will spend eternity with Me in my Kingdom."

Do you see? That's the simple yet beautiful message of salvation and redemption. There is nothing but belief on our part, because the boundless grace of God above has done the rest. This is what makes Christianity different from anything else in this world. Grace is the unique component, displayed and contained in the person of Jesus Christ of Nazareth.

6/5/08

"The Fringe Benefits of Failure, and the Importance of Imagination"

I have never read a Harry Potter Book, although after reading the following, I now plan to. J.K. Rowling gave the commencement address at Harvard today. Quite the honor. I hope to have that honor myself one day (not necessarily at Harvard). I was attracted to the speech first by the title, which is the title of this blog, because almost exactly a year ago I spoke at my high school graduation and my speech was also on failure. After reading this one, I'm not sure I ever want to read my own again, but all the same, I am glad someone so distinguished would choose the same topic as I. But I will now commence to shut up (get it, commence/commencement???? i truly am sorry for that). In all seriousness, this is an amazing address, and I can only hope that the Harvard grads--as well as you and I--will put it's principle's into action.

"President Faust, members of the Harvard Corporation and the Board of Overseers, members of the faculty, proud parents, and, above all, graduates,

The first thing I would like to say is 'thank you.' Not only has Harvard given me an extraordinary honour, but the weeks of fear and nausea I've experienced at the thought of giving this commencement address have made me lose weight. A win-win situation! Now all I have to do is take deep breaths, squint at the red banners and fool myself into believing I am at the world's best-educated Harry Potter convention.

Delivering a commencement address is a great responsibility; or so I thought until I cast my mind back to my own graduation. The commencement speaker that day was the distinguished British philosopher Baroness Mary Warnock. Reflecting on her speech has helped me enormously in writing this one, because it turns out that I can't remember a single word she said. This liberating discovery enables me to proceed without any fear that I might inadvertently influence you to abandon promising careers in business, law or politics for the giddy delights of becoming a gay wizard.

You see? If all you remember in years to come is the 'gay wizard' joke, I've still come out ahead of Baroness Mary Warnock. Achievable goals: the first step towards personal improvement.

Actually, I have wracked my mind and heart for what I ought to say to you today. I have asked myself what I wish I had known at my own graduation, and what important lessons I have learned in the 21 years that has expired between that day and this.

I have come up with two answers. On this wonderful day when we are gathered together to celebrate your academic success, I have decided to talk to you about the benefits of failure. And as you stand on the threshold of what is sometimes called 'real life', I want to extol the crucial importance of imagination.

These might seem quixotic or paradoxical choices, but please bear with me.

Looking back at the 21-year-old that I was at graduation, is a slightly uncomfortable experience for the 42-year-old that she has become. Half my lifetime ago, I was striking an uneasy balance between the ambition I had for myself, and what those closest to me expected of me.

I was convinced that the only thing I wanted to do, ever, was to write novels. However, my parents, both of whom came from impoverished backgrounds and neither of whom had been to college, took the view that my overactive imagination was an amusing personal quirk that could never pay a mortgage, or secure a pension.

They had hoped that I would take a vocational degree; I wanted to study English Literature. A compromise was reached that in retrospect satisfied nobody, and I went up to study Modern Languages. Hardly had my parents' car rounded the corner at the end of the road than I ditched German and scuttled off down the Classics corridor.

I cannot remember telling my parents that I was studying Classics; they might well have found out for the first time on graduation day. Of all subjects on this planet, I think they would have been hard put to name one less useful than Greek mythology when it came to securing the keys to an executive bathroom.

I would like to make it clear, in parenthesis, that I do not blame my parents for their point of view. There is an expiry date on blaming your parents for steering you in the wrong direction; the moment you are old enough to take the wheel, responsibility lies with you. What is more, I cannot criticise my parents for hoping that I would never experience poverty. They had been poor themselves, and I have since been poor, and I quite agree with them that it is not an ennobling experience. Poverty entails fear, and stress, and sometimes depression; it means a thousand petty humiliations and hardships. Climbing out of poverty by your own efforts, that is indeed something on which to pride yourself, but poverty itself is romanticised only by fools.

What I feared most for myself at your age was not poverty, but failure.

At your age, in spite of a distinct lack of motivation at university, where I had spent far too long in the coffee bar writing stories, and far too little time at lectures, I had a knack for passing examinations, and that, for years, had been the measure of success in my life and that of my peers.

I am not dull enough to suppose that because you are young, gifted and well-educated, you have never known hardship or heartbreak. Talent and intelligence never yet inoculated anyone against the caprice of the Fates, and I do not for a moment suppose that everyone here has enjoyed an existence of unruffled privilege and contentment.

However, the fact that you are graduating from Harvard suggests that you are not very well-acquainted with failure. You might be driven by a fear of failure quite as much as a desire for success. Indeed, your conception of failure might not be too far from the average person's idea of success, so high have you already flown academically.

Ultimately, we all have to decide for ourselves what constitutes failure, but the world is quite eager to give you a set of criteria if you let it. So I think it fair to say that by any conventional measure, a mere seven years after my graduation day, I had failed on an epic scale. An exceptionally short-lived marriage had imploded, and I was jobless, a lone parent, and as poor as it is possible to be in modern Britain, without being homeless. The fears my parents had had for me, and that I had had for myself, had both come to pass, and by every usual standard, I was the biggest failure I knew.

Now, I am not going to stand here and tell you that failure is fun. That period of my life was a dark one, and I had no idea that there was going to be what the press has since represented as a kind of fairy tale resolution. I had no idea how far the tunnel extended, and for a long time, any light at the end of it was a hope rather than a reality.

So why do I talk about the benefits of failure? Simply because failure meant a stripping away of the inessential. I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was, and began to direct all my energy into finishing the only work that mattered to me. Had I really succeeded at anything else, I might never have found the determination to succeed in the one arena I believed I truly belonged. I was set free, because my greatest fear had already been realised, and I was still alive, and I still had a daughter whom I adored, and I had an old typewriter and a big idea. And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.

You might never fail on the scale I did, but some failure in life is inevitable. It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all – in which case, you fail by default.

Failure gave me an inner security that I had never attained by passing examinations. Failure taught me things about myself that I could have learned no other way. I discovered that I had a strong will, and more discipline than I had suspected; I also found out that I had friends whose value was truly above rubies.

The knowledge that you have emerged wiser and stronger from setbacks means that you are, ever after, secure in your ability to survive. You will never truly know yourself, or the strength of your relationships, until both have been tested by adversity. Such knowledge is a true gift, for all that it is painfully won, and it has been worth more to me than any qualification I ever earned.

Given a time machine or a Time Turner, I would tell my 21-year-old self that personal happiness lies in knowing that life is not a check-list of acquisition or achievement. Your qualifications, your CV, are not your life, though you will meet many people of my age and older who confuse the two. Life is difficult, and complicated, and beyond anyone's total control, and the humility to know that will enable you to survive its vicissitudes.

You might think that I chose my second theme, the importance of imagination, because of the part it played in rebuilding my life, but that is not wholly so. Though I will defend the value of bedtime stories to my last gasp, I have learned to value imagination in a much broader sense. Imagination is not only the uniquely human capacity to envision that which is not, and therefore the fount of all invention and innovation. In its arguably most transformative and revelatory capacity, it is the power that enables us to empathise with humans whose experiences we have never shared.

One of the greatest formative experiences of my life preceded Harry Potter, though it informed much of what I subsequently wrote in those books. This revelation came in the form of one of my earliest day jobs. Though I was sloping off to write stories during my lunch hours, I paid the rent in my early 20s by working in the research department at Amnesty International's headquarters in London.

There in my little office I read hastily scribbled letters smuggled out of totalitarian regimes by men and women who were risking imprisonment to inform the outside world of what was happening to them. I saw photographs of those who had disappeared without trace, sent to Amnesty by their desperate families and friends. I read the testimony of torture victims and saw pictures of their injuries. I opened handwritten, eye-witness accounts of summary trials and executions, of kidnappings and rapes.

Many of my co-workers were ex-political prisoners, people who had been displaced from their homes, or fled into exile, because they had the temerity to think independently of their government. Visitors to our office included those who had come to give information, or to try and find out what had happened to those they had been forced to leave behind.

I shall never forget the African torture victim, a young man no older than I was at the time, who had become mentally ill after all he had endured in his homeland. He trembled uncontrollably as he spoke into a video camera about the brutality inflicted upon him. He was a foot taller than I was, and seemed as fragile as a child. I was given the job of escorting him to the Underground Station afterwards, and this man whose life had been shattered by cruelty took my hand with exquisite courtesy, and wished me future happiness.

And as long as I live I shall remember walking along an empty corridor and suddenly hearing, from behind a closed door, a scream of pain and horror such as I have never heard since. The door opened, and the researcher poked out her head and told me to run and make a hot drink for the young man sitting with her. She had just given him the news that in retaliation for his own outspokenness against his country's regime, his mother had been seized and executed.

Every day of my working week in my early 20s I was reminded how incredibly fortunate I was, to live in a country with a democratically elected government, where legal representation and a public trial were the rights of everyone.

Every day, I saw more evidence about the evils humankind will inflict on their fellow humans, to gain or maintain power. I began to have nightmares, literal nightmares, about some of the things I saw, heard and read.

And yet I also learned more about human goodness at Amnesty International than I had ever known before.

Amnesty mobilises thousands of people who have never been tortured or imprisoned for their beliefs to act on behalf of those who have. The power of human empathy, leading to collective action, saves lives, and frees prisoners. Ordinary people, whose personal well-being and security are assured, join together in huge numbers to save people they do not know, and will never meet. My small participation in that process was one of the most humbling and inspiring experiences of my life.

Unlike any other creature on this planet, humans can learn and understand, without having experienced. They can think themselves into other people's minds, imagine themselves into other people's places.

Of course, this is a power, like my brand of fictional magic, that is morally neutral. One might use such an ability to manipulate, or control, just as much as to understand or sympathise.

And many prefer not to exercise their imaginations at all. They choose to remain comfortably within the bounds of their own experience, never troubling to wonder how it would feel to have been born other than they are. They can refuse to hear screams or to peer inside cages; they can close their minds and hearts to any suffering that does not touch them personally; they can refuse to know.

I might be tempted to envy people who can live that way, except that I do not think they have any fewer nightmares than I do. Choosing to live in narrow spaces can lead to a form of mental agoraphobia, and that brings its own terrors. I think the wilfully unimaginative see more monsters. They are often more afraid.

What is more, those who choose not to empathise may enable real monsters. For without ever committing an act of outright evil ourselves, we collude with it, through our own apathy.

One of the many things I learned at the end of that Classics corridor down which I ventured at the age of 18, in search of something I could not then define, was this, written by the Greek author Plutarch: What we achieve inwardly will change outer reality.

That is an astonishing statement and yet proven a thousand times every day of our lives. It expresses, in part, our inescapable connection with the outside world, the fact that we touch other people's lives simply by existing.

But how much more are you, Harvard graduates of 2008, likely to touch other people's lives? Your intelligence, your capacity for hard work, the education you have earned and received, give you unique status, and unique responsibilities. Even your nationality sets you apart. The great majority of you belong to the world's only remaining superpower. The way you vote, the way you live, the way you protest, the pressure you bring to bear on your government, has an impact way beyond your borders. That is your privilege, and your burden.

If you choose to use your status and influence to raise your voice on behalf of those who have no voice; if you choose to identify not only with the powerful, but with the powerless; if you retain the ability to imagine yourself into the lives of those who do not have your advantages, then it will not only be your proud families who celebrate your existence, but thousands and millions of people whose reality you have helped transform for the better. We do not need magic to change the world, we carry all the power we need inside ourselves already: we have the power to imagine better.

I am nearly finished. I have one last hope for you, which is something that I already had at 21. The friends with whom I sat on graduation day have been my friends for life. They are my children's godparents, the people to whom I've been able to turn in times of trouble, friends who have been kind enough not to sue me when I've used their names for Death Eaters. At our graduation we were bound by enormous affection, by our shared experience of a time that could never come again, and, of course, by the knowledge that we held certain photographic evidence that would be exceptionally valuable if any of us ran for Prime Minister.

So today, I can wish you nothing better than similar friendships. And tomorrow, I hope that even if you remember not a single word of mine, you remember those of Seneca, another of those old Romans I met when I fled down the Classics corridor, in retreat from career ladders, in search of ancient wisdom:

As is a tale, so is life: not how long it is, but how good it is, is what matters.

I wish you all very good lives.

Thank you very much. "

"You are mistaken, my friend"

"You are mistaken, my friend," said the abbé. "There are times when God's justice tarries for a while and it appears to us that we are forgotten by Him, but the time always comes when we find it is not so, and here is the proof."
With these words the abbé took the diamond from his pocket and handed it to Caderousse.



I love that excerpt from The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas.


1 John 3:16
"This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down His life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers."

After reading that a couple of days ago, my journal had this to say:

Love. It's sacrificial. It places other lives before our own. It takes a giving-up on the physical, spiritual, and emotional levels. Jesus died for worthless people. That is love in its definitive form. There is no greater love, and anything called "love" that does not follow His pattern is nothing but fakeness embodied. Love is generosity. Love is grace. Love is mercy and compassion. Love takes time. Love is not easy. Love requires that it not share a throne with jealousy or pride. Love is beautiful and transforms the ugly into something worthy of the gazing eye.


That is why love in its simplest, most wonderful form is something that can change the world. It is not romantic in the least. It just involves doing to and for others. It isn't natural, and if evolution was very able, then it certainly would not exist anymore. That is why Jesus continues to be the most powerful, life- and world-changing human ever to step foot on this Earth. He alone was Love and never once failed to love others. He practiced the unnatural concept of true love to the very last iota. It worked. It still does.

6/3/08

Giving Up

"I love You
All of my hope is in You
Jesus Christ, take my life
Take all of me."

~Hillsong United




Every day. Everyday there is a battle that wages inside me. The "new creation" that I am since placing faith in Jesus must fight the sinful nature that I was born with and still feed at times to this day. This is no metaphorical happening that represents what I imagine. No, I know it is there because I see its results and I can feel each
victory, regardless of which side won it. This is what Paul is talking about in Romans 7: "For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing." I know exactly what it is that I am called to do on the daily basis, and yet on the daily basis I fail miserably in complete obedience. Why is it so hard?? The answer has already been written. "I fail miserably." In myself, I don't have the ability to do right. Even Paul said that. Then what's the point of being a new creature? Herein lies one of the most beautiful paradoxes that this shattered world contains. While the Holy Spirit makes us "new" in Himself, the only way we are to ever do right is to immediately offer that new self back to God, saying "Take my life! Take all of me!" You see, what the newness does is that it moves in us (if we allow it) to take that action. Before accepting the redeeming grace of Jesus we cannot yield our lives to Him. All we can do is ask Him to rescue us from the Kingdom of darkness, and precisely at that moment He not only rescues us, but He transforms us into brand new people.

I have trouble giving up things, even to God. That in itself shows how powerful sin is. I have nothing to lose and everything to gain when I lose everything of my own accord so that I might gain nothing other than what the Savior gives. I cannot do anything to further Christ's Kingdom if I do not daily take up my cross and follow Him. It will mean harder times than I care to know about right now. But it will also mean a firmer Hand of escape from those times than I can even fathom at this moment. All of my hope must be put in the Creator and Sustainer of the universe and the Redeemer of my heart and soul. The One who is Love.

"This is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son as the One who would turn aside His wrath, taking away our sins."

~1 John 4:10

Jumbled thoughts

Here's a little stanza that just came to me:

underneath my skin
inside my heart
what never should have been
has just begun its start



Here's an excerpt from an essay that Clive Staples Lewis wrote and that was published in 1962 called Is Theology Poetry?. The essay as a whole is concerned with answering a question that had been put to him regarding the legitimacy of Christian Theology and whether or not it was just a bunch of mythical nonsense that Christians were going crazy about. This piece of the brilliant whole will speak for itself. I will say, however, that it should prove equally interesting to the Christian and non-Christian alike. Please don't hesitate to comment, I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Long before I believed Theology to be true I had already decided that the popular scientific picture at any rate was false. One absolutely central inconsistency ruins it; it is the one we touched on a fortnight ago. The whole picture professes to depend on inferences from observed facts. Unless inference is valid, the whole picture disappears. Unless we can be sure that reality in the remotest nebula or the remotest part obeys the thought laws of the human scientist here and now in his laboratory--in other words, unless Reason is an absolute--all is in ruins. Yet those who ask me to believe this world picture also ask me to believe that Reason is simply the unforeseen and unintended by-product of mindless matter at one stage of its endless and aimless becoming. Here is flat contradiction. They ask me at the same moment to accept a conclusion and to discredit the only testimony on which that conclusion can be based.

The difficulty is to me a fatal one; and the fact that when you put it to many scientists, far from having an answer, they seem not even to understand what the difficulty is, assures me that I have not found a mare's nest but detected a radical disease in their whole mode of thought from the very beginning. The man who has once understood the situation is compelled henceforth to regard the scientific cosmology as being, in principle, a myth; though no doubt a great many true particulars have been worked into it.




since this post is already lacking cohesion, i will throw yet another random bit in. If you are in any way interested in knowing something about an economy, namely, the one we are apart of, then check out Greg Mankiw's Blog: Dr. Mankiw is a very influential economist in this world, and I would encourage you to check him out on wikipedia to see his vast education and accomplishments. It isn't dry, I promise, and you might even enjoy reading the blog.