all words are made up, so there really are no "made up" words.

i'm an accountant. i'm not professional yet, but i'm an accountant all the same. i've said it before, but i'll say it again: i really can't stand not knowing what the future holds for me. That relates to me actually liking accounting, because anyone who actually likes accounting also likes control, at least this has been my experience in my classes and among professionals. At any rate, trust is very hard, even when God is the object of it. It's really scary and unfamiliar and uncomfortable, but as i've realized the past two days, it's almost uncannily freeing. i mean, it's still scary and unfamiliar and at times uncomfortable, but freedom is always that way. When you are a slave to anything (like i often am to desire for control) you forget what freedom looks like, to such an extent that it can in some ways be more comfortable to remain in slavery. Look at the Israelites. They did nothing but complain even after having been rescued from 400 years of bondage in Egypt. Look at any revolution --American, French, etc.-- and you always see people who hold on to the old ways, no matter how backward they are, because they are afraid of new.

i just tend to be afraid of stepping outside of what i've come to know. And that's exactly what trust requires. For me, i always try to take control of a situation and do what i think i need to do to not mess things up. It's so backward, but i think that if i don't take care of the situation then no one else, not even God, will take care of it. Trust means i know that God is in ultimate control and that i need to be ready to just be obedient in the little things as they come along. It isn't complacency or cowardice so much as it is stepping back and realizing that i'm a lot worse at "taking care" of a situation than i think.

So that's a part of my life that i tend to get "stuck" in. Trying to do everything myself. It's so dumb, but it really is a struggle for me. If you know me, you're probably nodding your head as you read this post, because i know it's obvious. But maybe with little steps of trust and faith Someone will pull me out of the rut.



"Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.

When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.

For I am the LORD, your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior"
~from Isaiah 43

How can i not trust that? i mean, He is going to take care of everything and it all will work out in His timing. There are hard times for sure, we all know that. There are times when life can just suck the wind from your lungs and fill you with fear and sadness and doubt, but in the end there is victory over all of that in the blood of Jesus. There is more than victory, there is life eternal and full in the knowledge of God loving you. Just trust Him.