But i did not (exactly) go crazy. And i assure you that such a fact is quite an example of God caring for me and Loving me more than i can fathom. His Strength really was made perfect at times when i felt there was no way i would be able to carry out my responsibilities at all, much less with any quality. It was one of those simultaneously harrowing and wonderful times. Although i don't know if i've ever been quite so scared and comforted in my life, at the same time. And to be honest, probably mostly scared.
But that is enough context into the story behind the reasons for my absence, i should now like to make things right.
The first order of business is that my life has been completely and most incredibly changed, forever. And why? Well, it seems that i succeeded in pulling off one of the greatest frauds the world has ever seen by tricking my best friend into becoming my future wife, for when i asked her to marry me, she said "yes!!" This is a fact that i have yet to come to a full grasp of, but i suspect i probably never will. It has been an immense joy and privilege and the most exciting learning experience of my life spending the last 13 months getting to know Amy, and also getting to know myself. It really is very interesting that i hardly know what to write about it now, just as i hardly could get words out when i was on one knee on the night of November 18th.
Moments like that are the kind that you may not even dream of because they seem so foreign or so distant that dreaming seems irrational or silly. But i assure you, whatever dreams i had of finding a woman i wanted to marry and spend the rest of my life with were but a really scribbled out, 4-year old sketch of what God had in store. Because here's the thing about marriage that most everyone in the world, including Christians, gets wrong. And in getting it wrong we miss out on what God really has in store for us:
God did not create marriage to make a husband and a wife happy, and He did not create a marriage so that we could have sex, and He did not create marriage to meet all our needs. God created marriage so that a man and a woman together could do more for His Kingdom and His Glory than they could by themselves. He created marriage to teach us the toughest lessons anyone could ever learn about what it means to love others. He created marriage to give us the most incredible picture of His Love for us, sinners. And it is the sincere prayer and hope of Amy and i that we would seek first His Kingdom. Above all else.
So, thank you dear Reader, for reading throughout the lifetime of this blog. i am now betrothed. To be married. And as much as i could go on and on ad nauseum over my excitement of this fact, i will refrain.
Yesterday was the last day of class of the last semester of my undergraduate college education. There are probably 8 inches of snow on the ground (in my mind this is a conservative estimation), and ASU has a quarterfinal playoff game Saturday afternoon, and i am two cumulative finals away from Christmas break. This is another fact that has yet to hit me, although unlike the previous one, i'm sure this one will, eventually, hit me. How in the world am i almost to the end of college? i remember very vividly moving into my freshman dorm, and it was hot, and i was wearing a red Nautica t-shirt that Phil left at my house and i never gave it back. And i didn't know a thing about accounting, and although i am just now beginning to grasp the depth of accounting knowledge of which i am totally unaware, i do at least know a few things. So take that for what you will.
The last three and a half years have been quite a whirlwind. i went to New York City for the first time. i went to Mexico City twice. i went to New York City for the second time and Washington, D.C for the first time. i met my fiance (and my match) on a plane back from Mexico City the second time. i traded good times with friends for studying more than i should have my sophomore year. i found that i was naive about alot of things. i know that i am still naive about alot of things. i found that accounting slowly but surely has eroded my athletic abilities, as well as my skills on a basketball court. i missed my family an awful lot. i was a cheerleader and coach for the most dominant co-ed soccer team this world has seen. i found brothers. i (thankfully) did not get a 4.0. i played music with the most talented bunch of musicians that i ever have or probably ever will have the privilege of playing with.
But really, the best thing about the last three and a half years is that i've learned (albeit very, very slowly) how to grow closer to Jesus when no one is watching, and to try and crucify my awful pride when people are watching, and to become more and more like the son of the King that i am. In God's economy, the last are first, and the first are last. His is the currency of Grace. His is life everlasting and abundant. His is dominion and rule and authority over all of Creation, including you and me. How does that impact your life today? Will you let it? Do you even know that God desires an intimate relationship with you so much that He would send His Son Jesus to die for you and me on a Roman cross? Because He does. He has pursued you since before you were, relentlessly giving chase after your heart. All that's left is for you to respond in faith, realizing you could never cover your sin, and that that sin is keeping you eternally separated from God in His Kingdom. Then believe that His Son Jesus' death for you not only covers sin, but totally wipes it away. That is the gospel, and it has changed me, and it continues to change me, and the whole world will never be the same.
In closing, as it nears Christmas Day, i would like to share with you the following poem by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow. It was written on Christmas Day in 1864, in the midst of America's Civil War. Entitled "Christmas Bells":
"I heard the bells on Christmas Day
Their old familiar carols play,
And wild and sweet
The words repeat
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!
And thought how, as the day had come,
The belfries of all Christendom
Had rolled along
The unbroken song
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!
Till, ringing, singing on its way,
The world revolved from night to day,
A voice, a chime
A chant sublime
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!
Then from each black accursed mouth
The cannon thundered in the South,
And with the sound
The carols drowned
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!
It was as if an earthquake rent
The hearth-stones of a continent,
And made forlorn
The households born
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!
And in despair I bowed my head;
"There is no peace on earth," I said;
"For hate is strong,
And mocks the song
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!"
Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:
"God is not dead; nor doth he sleep!
The Wrong shall fail,
The Right prevail,
With peace on earth, good-will to men!"
