vive

i'm the type of person who likes to be able to define things. If i come across a word which has a meaning i'm not aware of, then i look it up. i define historical events according to their dates. i define car trips in hours rather than miles. i define people based on the number of facebook friends they have.

But i am so unbelievably bad at defining emotions.

How often is it that we experience a new emotion? Certainly not often for me. But i did today, and i have no idea what to make of it. Mostly it's like a conglomeration of probably 163 emotions at the same time, but it's still new. i would go into more depth if i knew how, but i have no definitive explanations at this point. The overall emotion is positive, and that is all i can figure. It has to do with the past and the passing of time. It has to do with 20 years. It has to do with Love and how Jesus modeled that for me and you. It has to do with real Thankfulness. It has to do with the handing-off of the generational torch. It has to do with family and how nurture is, i believe, much stronger than nature. It contains strands of sadness, but there is a hope in it which shines through much stronger. It is filled with anticipation. The vibrancy of it is astounding. It is the feeling of all needs being met by a God who is concerned with my concerns. It is fearful but overwhelmed by a simple flood of peace...

There is no way to define that. There is no need.

"...in its time I will hasten it."

i think that the smaller the world is to you and i, the harder it is to have a big-picture view of what's actually happening.

Your thoughts probably just went something like this, if i had to guess: "Wow, there is no way you could have made a more obvious statement just then." Believe me, i realize that it seems really elementary and almost circular to say what i said, but give it a second chance. There's more depth there than you realize at first glance.

Think about it: we can access all kinds of news and stories and pictures and even live videos from all over the world in less than seconds. To you and me--Americans and Western Europeans and basically people with money and access to technology--to us the world is incredibly small. And the reason it's small is not because our knowledge of it is limited in scope. No, quite the opposite. The very reason the world has become so small is that our knowledge (at least, our potential for knowledge) of it is so immeasurably vast compared to what it has been since its creation or chance appearance or whatever you happen to believe. That's why what i said is actually extremely unintuitive. It would seem that to those of us with access to the world's unbelievable depth and complexities that we would have a more developed sense of big-picture ideologies and world-views. And yet i find that the opposite is overwhelmingly true. Not only is it true but it is starkly obvious to the "rest of the world." To those whose world is still quite large.

You see, we could get on CNN.com right now and see all kinds of atrocities being committed in Darfur and Tibet and all over the world. The reason we see those things is because we have financial and societal resources that those people affected do not have. And yet we largely do nothing. Not only do we do nothing for those hurting people, but because we are so "in touch" with the rest of the world, we completely forget that even in our own wealthy nation there are hurting and dying people in our very midst. And yet we largely do nothing.

And so it seems that we are a people persecuted not by weapons of physical pain and violence, but rather weapons of intellectual and emotional anesthesia. We have so much knowledge that we have forgotten what it means to have sympathy. Our brains are so full of junk that our hearts have atrophied into blood-pumping organs at best, and frozen stones at worst. We have tried to take Michelangelo's painting from the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel and place it on a note card in our wallets. The world is so accessible to us and yet we fail to realize that behind all of the stories of joy and sadness, victory and anguish, and peace and violence, there are still people there. Real human beings, just like you and me. Men and women and children created in the very image of God Himself.

That is the Big Picture, i think. The picture of God creating a people whom He loves more dearly than anything else in all the universe. The picture of Him as the King who is even now establishing a very real Kingdom. The picture of a grand invitation to join Him as He works in this broken, messed up, sin-filled world of ours. The picture that somehow welds together the colors of Grace and Truth, Love and Justice, Freedom and reigning servants. How can we see that picture and not feel a passion for the hurting people around us, and around the world? How can we continue to ignore the pain and suffering of those whom God loves just as dearly as He loves us?

"woe is me, for i am a man of unclean lips..."

In June of 2007, i gave a speech at my high school graduation on the pivotal role failure plays in our lives. i talked about failure being actually essential to real growth as a human being, despite the fact that everything we hear in pop culture says none of us will fail. We are, after all, winners. Each and everyone of us. Right?

Well the ironic thing about truth (and i firmly believe that i spoke truth that day) is that there are basically two ways to know It: You can know it intangibly (under which fall intellectually, spiritually, emotionally, etc.) and tangibly (practically). And you will at some point usually experience both. Well, at that time in my life 2 1/2 years ago, i was definitely aware of this truth about failure with all of my intellect. Even from observation of others' lives i could see and know that failure is 1) certain and, 2) opportunistic. People never stay the same after failure. They learn from it and move on a stronger person or they let it beat them down and thus become afraid of life, basically. All of that to say that i have--if not painfully, certainly keenly--been moving more and more into that practical knowledge of failure, and more importantly, the choices that present themselves when that happens.

The whole irony of the situation is that in some ways when you experience Truth in your life in very real ways, you are much less likely to stand up on a podium and just talk about it as if it were the easiest thing in the world. You become more reserved, more sensitive to the effects of Truth before you just go blurting it out. Blurting it out doesn't make Truth untrue, but it's like playing Beethoven's Ninth through iPod ear buds. You lose the real, unadulterated, even difficult depth of what's really happening. So what i'm saying is, i've been the guy who blurts out Truth. Probably even in this blog i've done that. It is what it is. i think to hear Beethoven's Ninth through ear buds is still better than not hearing it at all. However, for you, dear reader, for you i hope and pray that i somehow can provide Truth in that purest form. In God's form. That's a statement that fills me with fear. Not fear like the fear of a gun pointed at your face, but rather the fear of the sun. You love it and you crave it, and yet you are aware that it's power is beyond taming, beyond putting into a box.

The search for Truth is the search for Freedom. It is the noblest of all pursuits and yet none other is more dangerous. Maybe, just maybe, this blog can help you and i on our journey.

"The wrong shall fail, the Right prevail. With peace on earth, good-will to men."

i'm supposed to be sleeping. Really, i should. But then i realized it's been over a week since thewelfareblogger has posted anything. Referring to myself in the third person is unusual, but since "thewelfareblogger" is simply a pseudonym of epic proportions, i don't mind as much.

Hmm let's see, much has happened since the last time we rendezvoused. Good things and great things and exciting things. Some of those Things don't belong on this blog, however. Sorry. If you actually know me, ask me through other means of communication, and i'll expound. One exciting thing is that Call of Duty came out with a new video game. This, however, is a classic lesson in perspective and relativity, because it is actually very stupid to me, but to others there is excitement associated with the release of this latest time-wasting device. "Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." That is something Einstein had to say. i like it because he came up with this idea of relativity (although in a much different, perhaps mutually exclusive, context) and also he alludes to this idea of stupidity, which fits what i was just saying in regards to Call of Duty. i am in no way insinuating that comparisons should be drawn between myself and Einstein, i am simply saying that i am not the only person with my opinions.

here's an idea:

GET OFF YOUR ASS AND TURN THE XBOX OFF.



i realize now that this post welcomes criticism for a couple of reasons:

1.) i used the word "ass" in all caps. (There is a talking ass in the Bible. You should read it sometime, it's full of amazing things like that.)

2.) Probably this has made many people of the male persuasion angry. (i do not care. Confront me about something i'm doing wrong. Iron sharpens Iron.)

3.) i think all lists should have at least three listed items. This allows me to still accurately use the word "couple" above and yet still hold true to my convictions about lists.



In order to keep myself from sound completely arrogant, please let me say that the above is written in the sarcastic tone that you find it in order to keep myself from sounding angry and loud, which would be my natural way of communicating how i feel about video games. Seriously, if you're going to waste time, at least waste it with real people?

"God is not dead, nor doth He sleep."

From my porch/balcony, i can see some of the sky line that is created by the mountains surrounding Boone. This porch area has become one of my favorite places in the world, and as i was out there just a short while ago reading and mind-wandering, one of the many things i began to wander around in my mind is that living in the mountains has done an amazing thing to my definition of beauty.

Although i hesitate to even try, i must really attempt to describe what i saw. It is a bright night, and as i had noticed earlier, the moon was an especially stellar white, the kind of white that takes you by surprise in its violent nature. It's one of those nights where the sky is not black, but actually this deep violet-blue shade which i think i wasn't aware of until i came up the mountain a few years ago. For all that, though, there was even more to be had for the patient admirer of God's art, and in the way of a picture of subtleties rather than explosive power. If you were to imagine this in your mind, and you let its eye drift down from the stars and the moon towards the mountain silhouette, you would swear that the sun would rise in the next two hours, because up from that dark silhouette was a haze of blue that you would only expect to shortly precede one of our famous sunrises. And yet, it was barely past midnight. It's as if the sun is just begging at the door to be let into another day, but it knows that even in its power it still has its boundaries.

i am a firm believer that the realest beauty contained in this broken world of ours is absolutely never immediately evident. The beauty of a Proverbs 31 woman or the beauty of a scene like i witnessed tonight or the beauty of a God who would die for sinners and then conquer death itself--all of these are filled to overflowing with beauty, and yet not a one can be recognized in its fullest sense without some change in perspective and a depth of searching which does not come naturally.

"i'll be doing my best, and i'll see you soon..."

October is over. Soon it will be Christmas. But for now, let us be content with November, for if it has anything resembling October within it, then it would be a shame to miss it.

Isn't it weird how you don't really notice change as it happens gradually? You notice change in the cousins you see every two or three years, or in your hometown which is now just your former hometown, but as you live within a part of society and among people, the change that is happening the whole time goes by largely unnoticed. But honestly the craziest thing is when you notice change in yourself. And that's the kind of change that doesn't necessarily have a single causation, but is simply (but probably not easily) a product of many little decisions we make from moment to moment.

i don't really have anything intelligent to say about that at the moment, but i find it very interesting to wonder if the little moments are really so much bigger than the "big" moments in determining the story we will one day tell. Living in those seemingly insignificant moments is something of an acquired artform, as far as i can tell. You come across it by simply observing the lives of those who do it well. Grandparents are usually professionals. Stay away from highschoolers and probably most college students for that matter.

i don't understand it, but i do know it. and that makes all the difference.

There is that one thing there
Inside somewhere
In the morning when i rise
Or when dreams of rapture cleanse my eyes

It tells me this and that
"you're really bad at this, and terrible at that"
And whatever it is inside?
You should know now that it is right

For i will fail, and who knows why?
But try as i may, i could never cease to try
There are small victories to be won,
Hope to be had, see the rising sun

So please understand
i am just a man
Merely a peasant,
Yet a son of the King.

"To pluck the mask from the face of the Pharisee, is not to lift an impious hand to the Crown of Thorns."

Because of the extreme nerd content of the previous post, i deemed it necessary to begin a completely new post in order to change subjects. Actually, i realized just now that all my posts are full of nerdy things. If you don't like that, i'm sorry. But you don't have to read it, after all. i mean, truly, the beauty of the self-publishing world is that i don't have an editor that has a different identity than myself. And so here you are, reading what flows mostly simultaneously from my heart and my head directly through these Dutch hands of mine and into cyberspace. i can think of few things that are cooler. Thank you for reading, dear reader.

Now, onward.

visit this link and make a shoebox:
https://www.samaritanspurse.org/index.php/OCC/Pack_A_Shoe_Box/

i'm going to keep posting that link, so don't think you're off the hook when you finish reading this post. Seriously, make a shoe box. Put some thought into it. Giving to someone in need is the essence of healing, the center of the Truth of Jesus, and the beginning of amazing change in our own lives. Basically the deal is if you're reading this, you're rich. Filthy rich. What that means is that you may have worked hard, or your parents may have worked hard, or whatever, but when the credits roll, the question still is, "What did you do with all that money?" Because you working doesn't mean you deserve to be rich. If the world followed that logic of fairness then it certainly wouldn't look the way it does today. Let me try and give you just a little perspective. The kids receiving these gifts most likely don't even have a conceptual grasp on what a gift actually is. Why? Because truth be told, they've probably been in positions where they've had to take things just to survive. And so a gift to them is not even something that crosses their radar. The amazing thing about Operation Christmas Child is that you get to be the giver of what could quite easily be a child's first gift, and even more, to provide in that shoe box perhaps the first presentation of the Truth of Jesus that they've ever encountered.

Think about it. Embrace problems and do what you can to fix them. "We have all eternity to celebrate our victories, but only one short hour before sunset in which to win them."



photo by jwil

"i'll build a bridge through the fire..."

So for those of us who would at times be tempted to call ourselves "writers," that is, for those of us who choose to write when there is no assignment; really, for those of us who just love to write; there often come times when the words of other "writers" bring us to a quick and violent realization that there are definitely people in this world who can do much, much more with words than we. In that vein, i am very, very careful to ever use the word "writer" when describing myself. Insert the word "aspiring" and perhaps we have a more accurate picture.

**nerd alert**

The Bronte sisters were geniuses. Absolute geniuses. i won't even try to give any biography here because their respective depths of character overwhelm the scope of this blog. But my younger sister brought the following passage to my attention and i must share it. Profound is not a decent enough word for it. This comes from the preface to the second edition of Charlotte Bronte's Jane Eyre. Keep in mind this is not the story, not any part of the real book, but merely the preface. In this passage, a mere portion of the preface, she says more than most of us will say in a lifetime. So read it, chew on it, read it again, and let it just sink in your mind a little.

"Having thus acknowledged what I owe those who have aided and approved me, I turn to another class; a small one, so far as I know, but not, therefore, to be overlooked. I mean the timorous or carping few who doubt the tendency of such books as "Jane Eyre:" in whose eyes whatever is unusual is wrong; whose ears detect in each protest against bigotry--that parent of crime--an insult to piety, that regent of God on earth. I would suggest to such doubters certain obvious distinctions; I would remind them of certain simple truths.

Conventionality is not morality. Self-righteousness is not religion. To attack the first is not to assail the last. To pluck the mask from the face of the Pharisee, is not to lift an impious hand to the Crown of Thorns.

These things and deeds are diametrically opposed: they are as distinct as is vice from virtue. Men too often confound them: they should not be confounded: appearance should not be mistaken for truth; narrow human doctrines, that only tend to elate and magnify a few, should not be substituted for the world-redeeming creed of Christ. There is--I repeat it--a difference; and it is a good, and not a bad action to mark broadly and clearly the line of separation between them.

The world may not like to see these ideas dissevered, for it has been accustomed to blend them; finding it convenient to make external show pass for sterling worth--to let white-washed walls vouch for clean shrines. It may hate him who dares to scrutinise and expose--to rase the gilding, and show base metal under it--to penetrate the sepulchre, and reveal charnel relics: but hate as it will, it is indebted to him.

Ahab did not like Micaiah, because he never prophesied good concerning him, but evil; probably he liked the sycophant son of Chenaannah better; yet might Ahab have escaped a bloody death, had he but stopped his ears to flattery, and opened them to faithful counsel."

everything i need.

What are you doing with your life? i don't mean where are you going or what are you going to be doing, but at this point in your life right now, what in the world are you doing with it? It's no easy question. It tends to kick me in the gut when i pose it to myself. The reason why i ask it is not to be the cause of guilt, but to be the hopeful impetus for some real thinking on your part, because if you are anything like me, you find that it is frighteningly easy to get to a point when you realize that life happens very quickly, regardless of whether you're making the best of it or not. Regardless of whether it has real meaning or not. But the kicker is not actually the question i posed, but really another statement that encompasses that question: Forget the past, and start living. Realize that new beginnings await the turn of every corner, the bend in every curve, the depths of every valley, and the peak of every mountain. Have a heart change.

Now, that paragraph may contain some truth, but the problem with it is that it's the same thing people have been saying for centuries, even millenia, and to no avail. It's the kind of thing that is extremely easy and intuitive to write, and maybe even to read, but in practice it is absolutely impossible.

Unless.

Unless you realize that it is impossible. Unless you realize that you cannot ever hope to accomplish heart change and real living. By yourself. Because when you and i come to a point when we realize the depths of our own futility, then the overwhelming knowledge that comes from that is our need. Our need for help.

Jesus said, "I came that they might have life, and have it to the full." That's the reason He came and accomplished what we cannot ever hope to accomplish! And that is also the single thing which separates Christianity, real Christ-centered Christianity, from everything. At the center of what Jesus said is nothing about what we do. In fact, the center of His message was the very fact that we can't. We can't be good on our own. We can't live life with meaning. We can't be righteous. That's why He took all of our sins upon Himself on the cross. At that point God looked at humanity, even in the depths of our sin, and saw Jesus as the fulfillment of His wrath. What we could never satisfy--namely, God's demands for holiness--Jesus completely satisfied.

"Listen to me, you stubborn of heart.,
you who are far from righteousness:
I bring near my righteousness; it is not far off,
and my salvation will not delay."
~Isaiah 46:12,13

i talk alot in this blog about the way we should love others and love God, but i've been struck recently about the other side of that equation. How do we receive God's immense love? So often we try to limit it and decide what we think we deserve from God. We look at our own faults and shortcomings and we have no idea how the God of the entire universe could love us. And yet He does.

So now, the question becomes, "Are you allowing God to give your life meaning?" He will. And meaning is what we all yearn for. We look for it everywhere, we find it temporarily in many things. But in our most honest moments we know that those things often leave us with an even deeper longing than we had to begin with. The craziest thing is that the longing we have for true meaning in our lives doesn't even compare to the passion God has for us to come to Him.

Wow.