Torn from top to bottom, was the veil. Surely, He was innocent.

Wherever you are, be all there.

Jim Elliot.

It's been several years now, since my mother read that quote somewhere. It provided a sort of paradigm shift for her. My parents are relatively quiet about what they are experiencing spiritually and emotionally, yet i can distinctly remember her communicating how much of an impact those words had on her life. So much so that she asked me to make them the banner on her cell phone.

At any rate, although i certainly grasped the significance of "being all there" on a somewhat vague level, it only really impacted me the way a postcard would. Aware, yet completely oblivious to the depth behind a 3 x 5. i tend to be a daydreamer and somewhat irrational about my hopes for the future, but there's only so much damage that can do when you're 15. i'm beginning now to see why being all there was, and is, so important to my mom.

It really is a tension, is it not? To be a responsible adult in that we want to prepare for the future, and yet to live in the realization that today we have today, and that is it. i was talking to my best friend today about that line, that very fine line, and it hit me quite vividly that i often risk missing out on today because i want the tomorrows to be just how i plan for them to be. This day. Right now. It is the day that Jesus has made. Find joy in that. Find real, deep, life-giving joy in the fact that Jesus made today all that it is, and He offers something new today that tomorrow will have left behind.

Be all there.

cast me not away.

this. life. is. temporary.

forever is not temporary

it follows, then, that wasting the forever for the temporary is quite possibly the worst, most devastatingly tragic mistake anyone could ever make, and yet how many do?

it also follows that since so many waste the forever for the temporary, the best thing to do is "waste" the temporary for the forever.

How will you "waste" today?

get over the sun.

i would first like to say that i have a great number of doubts about the passage of the recent healthcare bill, the greatest of which is in regards to it actually fixing anything.

The reason that's the first thing i said was not because it's the first thing on my mind. i simply said it first to implicate myself of that which i am very shortly going to blitzkrieg. i am implicated because i would be lying if i said i had not been involved in at least two bitter conversations this week involving this specific matter (and many more involving the current administration, especially shortly after President Obama's inauguration) where absolutely nothing constructive was discussed or even thought about, really. Only an intense dislike, both verbally and mentally, of those in power in Washington, the center of "this great nation."

Onward. To "Conservative Christians." i am beyond appalled, and have approached disgust and anger, at the reaction you have given against not only this most recent bill, but against President Obama and his administration. It is legitimate hatred that many have given the President. The very same hatred given to President Bush during his term, over which you all weeped and wailed and gnashed your teeth.

Do i agree with President Obama's politics? Certainly not. Have i called my senator to voice any opinion besides the vote I cast in November, 2008? Certainly not, and as such is the case i find have no real grounds to complain about this recently passed bill. Have you called your senator? Can we complain about politicians not listening to us if there is nothing for them to hear?

Do you "Conservative Christians" agree with this healthcare bill?

It is EXTREMELY AND LOUDLY APPARENT THAT YOU DON'T. THE ECONOMY IS GOING TO FALL APART; OUR CHILDREN ARE GOING TO GROW UP IN A SOCIETY TOTALLY DEVOID OF SENSE AND MORALS; AND WE SHOULD MOVE TO NEW ZEALAND. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU TAKE THE TEN COMMANDMENTS OUT OF COURTHOUSES. HOMOSEXUALITY IS MUCH, MUCH WORSE THAN THE PORNOGRAPHY ON MY HP LAPTOP. IN FACT, IT IS MUCH WORSE THAN ANYTHING ELSE IN THE WORLD, AND THAT IS WHY I TREAT ANY NON-HETEROSEXUALS AS IF THEY ARE NOT REALLY HUMANS. I KEEP THE SABBATH HOLY AND THAT'S WHY I DO NOTHING BUT WATCH FOOTBALL WHILE MY WIFE COOKS AND CLEANS ON SUNDAY AFTERNOON. THE WAR IN IRAQ IS GOD'S WILL. YOU CAN'T NEGOTIATE WITH TERRORIST SONS OF BI...GUNS.

I LOVE JESUS.

really?



We--yes we, you and i, whether we are conservative or liberal or confused--we cannot continue in this manner. i am as guilty of the spewing of hatred as anyone else, but after being pointed to the following i don't see how myself or anyone who seeks to make Jesus' name famous can refuse to change the way we view those in leadership of our country.

"Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. Consequently, he who rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves. For rulers hold no terror for those who do right, but for those who do wrong. Do you want to be free from fear of the one in authority? Then do what is right and he will commend you. For he is God's servant to do you good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword for nothing. He is God's servant, an agent of wrath to bring punishment on the wrongdoer. Therefore, it is necessary to submit to the authorities, not only because of possible punishment but also because of conscience. This is also why you pay taxes, for the authorities are God's servants, who give their full time to governing. Give everyone what you owe him: If you owe taxes, pay taxes; if revenue, then revenue; if respect, then respect; if honor, then honor."

Romans 13:1-7


i write this stuff because i've been charged, convicted and declared guilty--by my own actions--of that which i lament. i just want us to realize that what we have been in the habit of doing has built so many walls against the gospel that we now have this term, "Conservative Christian," which is the subject of much derision in our society. Much of the response we've received is the only response we could expect to be given to a grace-less group of people claiming to have been saved by Grace. Jesus was not a politician. He was not a conservative. He was not liberal. He was God. He is God. And here's the thing: He is in control. He is worthy of trust. He will take care of His sheep, even when it seems like the wolves outnumber the fold two to one. So be a responsible citizen. Vote and try to attain a clear conscience when you do. But think very, very carefully before you enter the political realm, for there is much harm that can be done there.

Jesus is King, and to His Kingdom there will be no end.

Desiderata

"Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence."

Max Ehrmann

Goodness, me.

God is beyond
in every sense of that word
and in every sense.

In need i find,
whether his or hers, or mine
that He takes care
to care.

But still beyond.
For when He is not good
to me
He is still good.

See, i am small,
unaware,
and too scared to dare
that hard now
is Life later.

"Are you dumb because you know me not, Or dumb because you know?"

"We are treated as impostors, and yet are true;
as unknown, and yet well known;
as dying,
and behold,
we live;
as punished, and yet not killed;
as sorrowful, yet always rejoicing;
as poor, yet making many rich;
as having nothing, yet possessing everything."

2 Corinthians 6:8-10

poetry. not for the faint of heart, though some would have you believe that.

bears and birkenstocks.

Love.
Joy.
Peace.
Patience.
Kindness.
Goodness.
Faithfulness.
Gentleness.
Self-control.

Against such things there is no law.


There must be a way to live and breath and take part in this culture--or rather, this society of many different cultures--without imbibing in the general decadence which completely defies the above. It is no secret to myself that if we as a people would practice even half of those on the regular basis then the world would be a much better place. And yet the world is not a much better place, and even finds itself day by day becoming more painful.

That is why i am most afraid of myself. I am afraid of the part of me that can know the right answers to the questions that need answering most, and yet still willingly be a person who defies love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self control.

For the Christian, there is a constant battle between the self that existed from the womb in a state of sin and shame and the self God redeemed with the death of His only son Jesus. There are very real sides and real consequences for these battles that take place in front of computers, with headphones, in our minds, with our words, in the dark, around him, but not around her, and all in the sight of Jesus. The side which seeks instant gratification is very loud and hard to ignore. It is the side which was the only side until you allowed Jesus to make you new. It is the side which says that "I" am more important. "My" self is greater. Than anything. Than anyone. It says image is everything. It is the most professional and effective of makeups, because it works from the outside in, changing nothing of your character or disposition. It is the side which is threatened and jealous and angry and impure and unjust and unfair and exploitative and sexually corrupted and intellectually fooled and emotionally blinded and spiritually wasted, but which all the while feels legitimately good. To say it doesn't feel good would be to lie to yourself. It is precisely because it feels good that we so often succumb to it. And it is precisely because it feels good that it isn't enough.

Because we weren't made for something so simple and temporary as feeling good.

Love and Joy and Peace and the rest--the very characteristics and attributes of God Himself--they are the things that are indicative of the person who has found that thing beyond feeling good. That place where we all yearn to be when we find ourselves in the emptiness of a high that is now low. They are the traits and actions which naturally flow from the person who has realized that instant gratification becomes long-term pain and hurt. They are the desires of a person who finds that giving in to that which screams at us loudest ultimately drains us and does not fill. But most importantly, most integrally, Gentleness and Patience and Kindness and Goodness become descriptive of the person who realizes that they must sacrifice themselves in order to be given back a life which is beyond feeling good. It is beyond achievement and success. It is beyond the rational and logical.

We as Christians have life because of what Jesus did on the cross and in His resurrection. The Spirit of God actually lives inside of us. But He doesn't just take over and do His thing; we must decide to give Him control. That is the only way that His fruit will ever become evident in our lives. It is the only way that change and hope and meaning will invade us and the world around us. We must allow Him to guide our steps and direct our plans. He alone can positively impact the way we view others and how we see ourselves. And if we allow Him to fight for us, then our battles will always be won.

"Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.

Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is coming. You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator. Here there is no Greek or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all.

Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him."

Colossians 3:1-17

i must go on boasting in my weaknesses

"If I may speak of my own experience, I find that to keep my eye simply on Christ, as my peace and my life, is by far the hardest part of my calling....It seems easier to deny self in a thousand instances of outward conduct, than in its ceaseless endeavors to act as a principle of righteousness and power."

-John Newton

i. Perhaps some of you wonder why i never capitalize my own personal pronoun. It is an attempt, albeit a somewhat feeble and perhaps simply metaphorical one, to remind you, and more importantly me, that in reality i am nothing without God above. i have a very real sickness that attempts daily and even hourly to supplant Jesus from His rightful place in my life. It attempts to act, like Newton put it, "as a principle of righteousness and power." Yet what power have i? What righteousness have i? Nothing to call my own except filth and putrescence. My birthplace, my family, my upbringing, my education, my abilities, my health, my friends--these are all realities in my life which i had and have no responsibility for bringing about.

i must decrease. He must increase. i must realize that this mighty God, this Savior of all, this Righteous and True King still has the whole world in His strong hands. Without Him, i am less than worthless. i am intrinsically negative to the people around me and the universe at large. Yet with Him...

"From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king."

-Tolkien

"all for sinners' gain, Your life You gave."

It has been said that love is give and take. You win some, you lose some. Honestly, those types of cliche blanket statements about something as simple and easy as love sound so true. I mean, you do win sometimes and lose sometimes, right? Giving and taking is a legitimate by-product of love. Isn't it?

No. It isn't.

Winning is something you hope to do against an opponent. You strive for victory always, and never defeat. Yet Love, Love requires defeat. And why would you treat someone you love like they are an opponent?

And yes, Love is a lot of giving. But why is it okay to take? How is that true Love? Love asks and hopes and encourages, but taking is not part of the equation.

When Jesus came down to Earth for us, for all of us--the sick and broken and dirty and messed up, and those who think we are beautiful and put together and a gift to those around us. When He was born into a feeding trough for donkeys, when He walked the dusty roads of Galilee, when He trudged up the sharp, rocky hill of Golgotha with a cross on His devoured back, when He died on that cross for you and i, it was all give and no take. It was all losing and no winning. Why? Because of Love. He does not take our Love, for it must be given. He does not win our Love, for we must lose ourselves before we can find real Love to give. Yes, He asks and pleads and encourages and leads and directs. So much so that He defied death itself, so that we would have Someone, the only One, who could ever receive fully and know completely what tattered Love we have to offer. And embrace it. Not merely accept it, but to call us His very own children.

"Here is Love,
vast as the ocean!
Lovingkindness as the flood.
When the Prince of Life,
our Ransom,
shed for us His precious blood.

Who His Love will not remember?
Who could cease to sing His praise?
He will never be forgotten
throughout Heaven's eternal days."

"Love Enough"

i must sit down, to tell you
of the Love that i have found.
No, it found me,
hanging on that tree.

i must shout aloud, so listen,
to this Hope by which i'm found.
Yes, it is i who am saved,
see, empty is the grave.