8/16/09
pardon me, i had to laugh at that.
Grilling out is probably one of my favorite things. People say it's an "American" thing. i'm glad to live here if that's the truth. Truthfully though, i think the reason that we like it in the first place is because of it's simplicity. Cooking something in the open air with fire. You take something that is really inedible or at the very least distasteful and then you kind of unpack all of its savory-ness and then pull it all together into the finished product. i mean, we've been doing that since the dawn of time as far as i can tell. It's human tradition. It's an art-form, really. It's creative process. It's grilling.
8/13/09
8/7/09
to the wire...
sometimes i just like to write for writing's sake. i don't think it's necessarily that my thoughts are so important that they must be made public, but it does help to create a more peaceful thought atmosphere than if i was to keep it all to myself.
i'm on this "people" kick right now. i mean, we all are in one way or another at all times, but i suppose i've been contemplating what exactly it should look like when i interact with people of all cultures and backgrounds. It's interesting, and daunting. But it's really hard you know? Like how in the world do you act when your family cuts you deep? Or when a friend closer than a brother just becomes like a stranger? What do you do then? There are moments to verbalize what your mind is shouting but there are other times when silence is the best option. Sure i'm being uber generic right now. Jesus said if a man asks you to go a mile with him, go two miles. ? Yeah, what? So basically, back in the day when the Romans ruled most of the known world there was a practice in Jerusalem where a Roman soldier could legally make a Jew carry all his stuff (armor, etc.) for a mile. So obviously Jews didn't like this. i would not either. And then Jesus came along and He said, "oh guys, please just have a good attitude about that mile."
Except.
Wait.
He didn't say that. He said go two miles.
That's a huge paradigm shift from the way i live most of the time. My philosophy tends to be more of a "go .95 miles, complaining the whole way". Like Jesus said though, it's really easy to be nice to the people that are nice to you. Everyone does that. But to be nice to the people around you who just irk you? That's extremely difficult. And yet, that's where your true mettle is tested. It's where you get a chance to see what it's all about.
Maybe it's like running. The first mile is the worst, but it's like you break through a wall after that. Just maybe in our lives if we would grit our teeth every now and then and just do the hard stuff, just maybe we would find that it makes all the difference.
i'm on this "people" kick right now. i mean, we all are in one way or another at all times, but i suppose i've been contemplating what exactly it should look like when i interact with people of all cultures and backgrounds. It's interesting, and daunting. But it's really hard you know? Like how in the world do you act when your family cuts you deep? Or when a friend closer than a brother just becomes like a stranger? What do you do then? There are moments to verbalize what your mind is shouting but there are other times when silence is the best option. Sure i'm being uber generic right now. Jesus said if a man asks you to go a mile with him, go two miles. ? Yeah, what? So basically, back in the day when the Romans ruled most of the known world there was a practice in Jerusalem where a Roman soldier could legally make a Jew carry all his stuff (armor, etc.) for a mile. So obviously Jews didn't like this. i would not either. And then Jesus came along and He said, "oh guys, please just have a good attitude about that mile."
Except.
Wait.
He didn't say that. He said go two miles.
That's a huge paradigm shift from the way i live most of the time. My philosophy tends to be more of a "go .95 miles, complaining the whole way". Like Jesus said though, it's really easy to be nice to the people that are nice to you. Everyone does that. But to be nice to the people around you who just irk you? That's extremely difficult. And yet, that's where your true mettle is tested. It's where you get a chance to see what it's all about.
Maybe it's like running. The first mile is the worst, but it's like you break through a wall after that. Just maybe in our lives if we would grit our teeth every now and then and just do the hard stuff, just maybe we would find that it makes all the difference.
8/5/09
that was when i ruled the world...
i haven't shaved in quite some time. and i don't care.
here is something to ponder. we often talk about "ordering our priorities." as if they aren't already ordered. what we should instead refer to this activity as is "writing out what we know should be our priorities, in the proper order, and then comparing them to the current order. and then realize that we are doing it all wrong." and not only this, but the manner in which we organize our list is generally all wrong as well. we tend, as is normal for Americans, to list them vertically, with the most important (or so we deem) priority finding its place at the top and so on. in fact, we would be much more correct to describe our priorities in a more circular fashion with a main cog in the middle and with things sprouting out from that center.
The reason for this orbital pattern becomes immediately evident when we really step back and look at our lives. the simple listing of priorities often carries with it a sort of time-value connotation by which we say that "Number One Priority" should be that to which we give the most time. Well, i find that most people would list "family" somewhere above career, and yet i am aware of no one still working about whom could be said that more time was spent with his/her family than at their respective career. Additionally, it is more fitting--in my opinion--that priorities should be organized much like our solar system, because everyone, at their core, has that one thing which really drives them. everyone. It follows then that that "drive" whatever it is, cannot stand alone simply at the top of some list. It must impact the rest of the priorities that make up a person. I think that this type of organization gets rid of the somewhat circular difficulty of trying to use time as the main unit to measure our priorities.
For the Christian, God cannot be measured with time. The importance of God in our lives cannot effectively be measured by how much time we spend reading His words, nor by how much time is spent in church with others who profess the same beliefs as ourselves. The importance of God in our lives is quickly seen by whether we have placed Him as the cog of our lives upon which we deal with family and friends and careers and everything else accordingly. It is a very freeing yet also very scary thing, i think. For it means that your life is no check list, but it also means that your whole life is affected. Everything you do depends on that center cog. If a spoke becomes lose, the whole wheel is affected.
But the beautiful thing with this organization is that time is not compartmentalized. It is just focused. And if it is not focused on God as the central axis of your whole being, then it is focused on something else. We all have one thing there, and it may change from time to time, but a man cannot serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other or he will love the one and hate the other.
here is something to ponder. we often talk about "ordering our priorities." as if they aren't already ordered. what we should instead refer to this activity as is "writing out what we know should be our priorities, in the proper order, and then comparing them to the current order. and then realize that we are doing it all wrong." and not only this, but the manner in which we organize our list is generally all wrong as well. we tend, as is normal for Americans, to list them vertically, with the most important (or so we deem) priority finding its place at the top and so on. in fact, we would be much more correct to describe our priorities in a more circular fashion with a main cog in the middle and with things sprouting out from that center.
The reason for this orbital pattern becomes immediately evident when we really step back and look at our lives. the simple listing of priorities often carries with it a sort of time-value connotation by which we say that "Number One Priority" should be that to which we give the most time. Well, i find that most people would list "family" somewhere above career, and yet i am aware of no one still working about whom could be said that more time was spent with his/her family than at their respective career. Additionally, it is more fitting--in my opinion--that priorities should be organized much like our solar system, because everyone, at their core, has that one thing which really drives them. everyone. It follows then that that "drive" whatever it is, cannot stand alone simply at the top of some list. It must impact the rest of the priorities that make up a person. I think that this type of organization gets rid of the somewhat circular difficulty of trying to use time as the main unit to measure our priorities.
For the Christian, God cannot be measured with time. The importance of God in our lives cannot effectively be measured by how much time we spend reading His words, nor by how much time is spent in church with others who profess the same beliefs as ourselves. The importance of God in our lives is quickly seen by whether we have placed Him as the cog of our lives upon which we deal with family and friends and careers and everything else accordingly. It is a very freeing yet also very scary thing, i think. For it means that your life is no check list, but it also means that your whole life is affected. Everything you do depends on that center cog. If a spoke becomes lose, the whole wheel is affected.
But the beautiful thing with this organization is that time is not compartmentalized. It is just focused. And if it is not focused on God as the central axis of your whole being, then it is focused on something else. We all have one thing there, and it may change from time to time, but a man cannot serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other or he will love the one and hate the other.
8/1/09
"I will not take my love away..."
Beethoven's 9th. such genius.
it's time to unpack. by this i mean firstly that i feel that i have been living out of a suitcase since early May, and this is mostly true. more specifically, though, there is a certain amount of emotional and spiritual unpacking to be done.
OK, so i was in Oklahoma for roughly seven weeks (if you're clever there's a nugget in that sentence).
1. Quiktrip. For those of you who have not had the pleasure of spending time in a location which houses these "gas stations," then i must explain. First, the term "gas station" should never be used to describe QT. Perhaps "store which has everything you could possibly want in the form of refreshment and eatery within hand's reach as you simply pay for your gas". Or, "Four Seasons of convenient stores." Picture this, 49 cent 32 oz. fountain drinks. Anything you could possibly want. Fresh fruit. Wraps and sandwiches. Arizona. at least 4 attendants working. etc. etc. etc. etc.
2. Rodeos. i like them.
3. Tulsa has bad roads, but we shall not speak of them here.
4. i made a trip to the promised land. AKA Norman, OK, home of the Sooners. This was quite the emotional experience. i felt as if a piece of my heart and soul belonged there.
5. dangerous driveways. such an oddity.
6. The Oklahoma City bombing memorial is breathtaking. for some reason this seems to be an event in our nation's history that is often forgotten. After seeing the memorial, i shall not soon forget. If ever given the chance, please go see it and be awed.
7. i helped audit a pageant. this means i got to meet and talk with Miss Oklahoma. Whatever the stereotypes may be in regards to "pageant girls", she certainly did not seem to fit them, and it was a very pleasant opportunity to talk with her, to say the least.
8. i was reminded yet again how much family means to me, and was just blown away as always to realize the heritage that has preceded my time here on Earth.
9. these were in no particular order.
after this time in Oklahoma, i was fortunate enough to be a leadership consultant for the Martha Guy Summer Institute, something talked about in my previous post. i returned from that experience today, and although i am quite tired, i am sad to leave those kids. They really were an immense joy in my life for three weeks, and i hope to have made friendships that will last a long time. Never did i imagine what kind of opportunities the program would bring to me. Never. i am still in a way incredulous over all that i got to do in such a short amount of time, and although i won't mention anymore specifics of the trip, i will say this: during the last three weeks, the overriding theme that has presented itself to me is that people are by far the most important of all the created things this world contains. Sure, it's so simple, but how often do i live as though it were true? In the business realm, where i have lived for the last three weeks, this idea of the importance of people is the foundation of success. Having knowledge is absolutely nothing if you cannot work with others. Knowledge never becomes wisdom without people. Opportunities do not materialize without interactions with people. But this is only a microcosm of what is true not only in our Americanized society, but indeed, throughout the earth. If people are not your priority, you will fail. This is never untrue. Never. People are the reason Jesus came to this dirty world in the first place. They are the object of His love. They are the purpose for which His crucifixion was allowed to take place. They are the beneficiaries of His resurrection.
So what about people? They come and go "as the winter wind as it breathes". They enter our lives and make an impact, instantly. How we choose to interact with people will ultimately shape our lives here. Some are hardly lovable. or so we say. Others seem to be worth the highest price we could pay. However, the price has been set at a reserve that no earthly being could ever pay. That is why people should be the concern of our lives, because God has created us to run to Him. Because many are running away. Who will lead them back? Certainly not a people who care not for their own.
it's time to unpack. by this i mean firstly that i feel that i have been living out of a suitcase since early May, and this is mostly true. more specifically, though, there is a certain amount of emotional and spiritual unpacking to be done.
OK, so i was in Oklahoma for roughly seven weeks (if you're clever there's a nugget in that sentence).
1. Quiktrip. For those of you who have not had the pleasure of spending time in a location which houses these "gas stations," then i must explain. First, the term "gas station" should never be used to describe QT. Perhaps "store which has everything you could possibly want in the form of refreshment and eatery within hand's reach as you simply pay for your gas". Or, "Four Seasons of convenient stores." Picture this, 49 cent 32 oz. fountain drinks. Anything you could possibly want. Fresh fruit. Wraps and sandwiches. Arizona. at least 4 attendants working. etc. etc. etc. etc.
2. Rodeos. i like them.
3. Tulsa has bad roads, but we shall not speak of them here.
4. i made a trip to the promised land. AKA Norman, OK, home of the Sooners. This was quite the emotional experience. i felt as if a piece of my heart and soul belonged there.
5. dangerous driveways. such an oddity.
6. The Oklahoma City bombing memorial is breathtaking. for some reason this seems to be an event in our nation's history that is often forgotten. After seeing the memorial, i shall not soon forget. If ever given the chance, please go see it and be awed.
7. i helped audit a pageant. this means i got to meet and talk with Miss Oklahoma. Whatever the stereotypes may be in regards to "pageant girls", she certainly did not seem to fit them, and it was a very pleasant opportunity to talk with her, to say the least.
8. i was reminded yet again how much family means to me, and was just blown away as always to realize the heritage that has preceded my time here on Earth.
9. these were in no particular order.
after this time in Oklahoma, i was fortunate enough to be a leadership consultant for the Martha Guy Summer Institute, something talked about in my previous post. i returned from that experience today, and although i am quite tired, i am sad to leave those kids. They really were an immense joy in my life for three weeks, and i hope to have made friendships that will last a long time. Never did i imagine what kind of opportunities the program would bring to me. Never. i am still in a way incredulous over all that i got to do in such a short amount of time, and although i won't mention anymore specifics of the trip, i will say this: during the last three weeks, the overriding theme that has presented itself to me is that people are by far the most important of all the created things this world contains. Sure, it's so simple, but how often do i live as though it were true? In the business realm, where i have lived for the last three weeks, this idea of the importance of people is the foundation of success. Having knowledge is absolutely nothing if you cannot work with others. Knowledge never becomes wisdom without people. Opportunities do not materialize without interactions with people. But this is only a microcosm of what is true not only in our Americanized society, but indeed, throughout the earth. If people are not your priority, you will fail. This is never untrue. Never. People are the reason Jesus came to this dirty world in the first place. They are the object of His love. They are the purpose for which His crucifixion was allowed to take place. They are the beneficiaries of His resurrection.
So what about people? They come and go "as the winter wind as it breathes". They enter our lives and make an impact, instantly. How we choose to interact with people will ultimately shape our lives here. Some are hardly lovable. or so we say. Others seem to be worth the highest price we could pay. However, the price has been set at a reserve that no earthly being could ever pay. That is why people should be the concern of our lives, because God has created us to run to Him. Because many are running away. Who will lead them back? Certainly not a people who care not for their own.
7/22/09
Hollllllaaaaaa
so, I'm what they call a "leadership consultant" for the Martha Guy Summer Institute right now. MGSI is basically a three-week program for High School seniors who are interested in the world of Business where they will create a business plan while learning about topics like accounting and marketing and finance, etc.
1. I don't necessarily feel like this is work. I am having a blast.
we have gone to Lowe's Motor Speedway (took a few laps around the track)
we visited Hendrick Motor Sports, where an ASU alum is the CFO (got a tour inside the garage, something the general public is not allowed to do)
we went white-water rafting on the Watauga River
we chilled on top of Grandfather Mountain
etc. etc. (Valle Crucis Park, Hebron, things that Boone has that your town doesn't)
They actually are doing work, too, but still, this is sick. We haven't even gone to NYC or DC yet. (Mets game, Broadway, etc.)
2. High school kids have changed alot in the last 3 years.
this is not necessarily a bad thing, it's just really different.
that said, i absolutely love hanging out with them. they're a blast.
3. i have been reminded just how much i love my school and my major.
seeing these kids learn the basics has been probably just as valuable for me as it has been for them. it just has provided me with a fresh perspective and passion for what i do.
i could say so much more but i haven't the time. i will say this: appreciate the people God has put in your life. love them and cherish them, for the good and the bad.
1. I don't necessarily feel like this is work. I am having a blast.
we have gone to Lowe's Motor Speedway (took a few laps around the track)
we visited Hendrick Motor Sports, where an ASU alum is the CFO (got a tour inside the garage, something the general public is not allowed to do)
we went white-water rafting on the Watauga River
we chilled on top of Grandfather Mountain
etc. etc. (Valle Crucis Park, Hebron, things that Boone has that your town doesn't)
They actually are doing work, too, but still, this is sick. We haven't even gone to NYC or DC yet. (Mets game, Broadway, etc.)
2. High school kids have changed alot in the last 3 years.
this is not necessarily a bad thing, it's just really different.
that said, i absolutely love hanging out with them. they're a blast.
3. i have been reminded just how much i love my school and my major.
seeing these kids learn the basics has been probably just as valuable for me as it has been for them. it just has provided me with a fresh perspective and passion for what i do.
i could say so much more but i haven't the time. i will say this: appreciate the people God has put in your life. love them and cherish them, for the good and the bad.
7/15/09
"the best way to have a good idea is just to have alot of ideas."
The River
It pushes each bank, waiting and wishing for a straighter path
to Freedom
And there are those who stand by, wistful as the clouds above
Oblivious to the pain of the water before them
Each day
She provides life to creatures less than desirable,
The Fish
They have not a care in the world, they just take and take
And their endless demands of her are never interrupted by thanks
Oh, the Trees
They seem nice, but are only politicians who whisper
In the Wind
Secrets which she cannot see, for she is beneath reality
And their bony soul-less roots are keeping her entrapped anyway.
God,
Surely He knows my struggle towards freedom, my longing
My Need
For He gave me power and strength over land
To make my path shorter, but this thorn in my side is ever present
For I am constantly pouring out my spirit when I feel I need it most
And often I am pushed and shoved to chaos by
The Rain
The rain comes and goes, with no rhyme or reason
And though the change she brings is painful
though I feel the tears of humanity
though every emotion in the universe is bound up in her
She has time to tell me, to give me hope
She has been there
I am the River
I have been used by men in Mississippi and pharaohs in Egypt
I am the River
and I have been cursed for what
He and She did in the Garden of my birth
I am the River
But just ahead, where the horizon never ends
Where there are no walls on either side,
then I shall be the Ocean.
It pushes each bank, waiting and wishing for a straighter path
to Freedom
And there are those who stand by, wistful as the clouds above
Oblivious to the pain of the water before them
Each day
She provides life to creatures less than desirable,
The Fish
They have not a care in the world, they just take and take
And their endless demands of her are never interrupted by thanks
Oh, the Trees
They seem nice, but are only politicians who whisper
In the Wind
Secrets which she cannot see, for she is beneath reality
And their bony soul-less roots are keeping her entrapped anyway.
God,
Surely He knows my struggle towards freedom, my longing
My Need
For He gave me power and strength over land
To make my path shorter, but this thorn in my side is ever present
For I am constantly pouring out my spirit when I feel I need it most
And often I am pushed and shoved to chaos by
The Rain
The rain comes and goes, with no rhyme or reason
And though the change she brings is painful
though I feel the tears of humanity
though every emotion in the universe is bound up in her
She has time to tell me, to give me hope
She has been there
I am the River
I have been used by men in Mississippi and pharaohs in Egypt
I am the River
and I have been cursed for what
He and She did in the Garden of my birth
I am the River
But just ahead, where the horizon never ends
Where there are no walls on either side,
then I shall be the Ocean.
4/29/09
even the skrippers. Jesus walks with them.
Finals.
They are hard.
i'm realizing more and more each day just how much i need a Savior. It really isn't very easy for me, to be quite honest. Probably for most people it isn't very easy. We have this condition, this sickness that would try its hardest to keep us from realizing our need for Jesus. It's called sin. The problem with sin is not what we do through sin. The problem with sin is just its very existence that permeates the universe down to the very smallest atom and to infinitely smaller depths that we don't realize exist. That's why i need a Savior.
i'm really tired. i spend a lot of time studying and using my brain and learning, and i was really just discouraged today about accounting. When i say i spend a lot of time studying, that probably should be clarified, but i won't endeavor to do that now. just ask a close friend. most people think i'm crazy. maybe i am. i have no qualms with the fact that i am very driven to get good grades, because God gave me a brain and i enjoy using it. Anyways, i had an exam in the hardest class of my life last night, and i studied a long long time for it. i was well prepared and expected to do well. i went and took it and felt extremely good about it and it made my night. Well, today i looked and saw my grade and it was quite a bit lower than i expected. By now all of you are thinking about just how ridiculous i am for letting this affect me. i understand, but at the same time this is just me. i'm sorry if you think it's stupid, but it really is who i am. i am reallllly passionate about school, and especially this field of study known as accounting. i've come to realize that this quality or flaw, whatever it may be, makes it hard for some people to share their lives with mine, because they don't think i understand what real life is about. i apologize for seeming that way, but i also think those people are largely mistaken. here's the thing. i'm going to be really honest. If you think it's dumb for me to spend 20 hours studying for an exam, i can see your point and will give it to you free of charge. Now, my turn. i think it's dumb to pay for college (or go into debt for it, or have your parents pay for it) and spend all your time throwing frisbee and acting like life is too short to spend your time studying. Get real, please. Look at where you are. A university. A center for learning. If you call yourself a Christian and you aren't out there busting your ass to be the absolute best student you can be, then don't expect respect from students or professors when you start telling them that Jesus can change your life. If He changed your life, then start acting like it in the classroom. At no point in His 33 years on this messy planet did Jesus in any way insinuate that it would be okay to give a half-ass effort in anything in order that you might tell more people about Him. There are, quite simply, 24 hours in each persons day. We all can and should find, no make, the time to be diligent in the classroom and out of it being students and children of the Most High. And it should be seamless. You cannot have one without the other.
i feel like i get on that tangent every now and then, and i didn't even mean to. sorry.
Here's me, though. What i learned today with gusto was that there are just times when you can work as hard as you can, and give your absolute best and still fail by someone's standards. And that is what i did. Not only did that happen, but it about ruined my whole day. The biggest but, though, is that the someone is not the One. That is why i so need a Savior. i need Him to remind me that His standards are not A's only. His standards are not 4.0. i often make those His standards, and that is why it hit me so hard today. i couldn't understand why i could fail when i shouldn't have. Life is hard, though. Much harder than class. And we all will fail even when we are doing the right things. It's at those times when the Comforter makes His presence felt. It's in those times, like today, that i realized that He is the only thing that can complete me. Because everything and everyone else will inevitably fail. No woman on this earth can complete me. No job or any amount of wealth can complete me. I will even fail myself. But never, ever, ever will the Lord God Almighty, who was and is and is to come, fail me. And He will not fail you, either. He promises to bear our burdens with us. He never said He'd take them away, but He'll shoulder them right along side of us, and His half is so much bigger than ours.
They are hard.
i'm realizing more and more each day just how much i need a Savior. It really isn't very easy for me, to be quite honest. Probably for most people it isn't very easy. We have this condition, this sickness that would try its hardest to keep us from realizing our need for Jesus. It's called sin. The problem with sin is not what we do through sin. The problem with sin is just its very existence that permeates the universe down to the very smallest atom and to infinitely smaller depths that we don't realize exist. That's why i need a Savior.
i'm really tired. i spend a lot of time studying and using my brain and learning, and i was really just discouraged today about accounting. When i say i spend a lot of time studying, that probably should be clarified, but i won't endeavor to do that now. just ask a close friend. most people think i'm crazy. maybe i am. i have no qualms with the fact that i am very driven to get good grades, because God gave me a brain and i enjoy using it. Anyways, i had an exam in the hardest class of my life last night, and i studied a long long time for it. i was well prepared and expected to do well. i went and took it and felt extremely good about it and it made my night. Well, today i looked and saw my grade and it was quite a bit lower than i expected. By now all of you are thinking about just how ridiculous i am for letting this affect me. i understand, but at the same time this is just me. i'm sorry if you think it's stupid, but it really is who i am. i am reallllly passionate about school, and especially this field of study known as accounting. i've come to realize that this quality or flaw, whatever it may be, makes it hard for some people to share their lives with mine, because they don't think i understand what real life is about. i apologize for seeming that way, but i also think those people are largely mistaken. here's the thing. i'm going to be really honest. If you think it's dumb for me to spend 20 hours studying for an exam, i can see your point and will give it to you free of charge. Now, my turn. i think it's dumb to pay for college (or go into debt for it, or have your parents pay for it) and spend all your time throwing frisbee and acting like life is too short to spend your time studying. Get real, please. Look at where you are. A university. A center for learning. If you call yourself a Christian and you aren't out there busting your ass to be the absolute best student you can be, then don't expect respect from students or professors when you start telling them that Jesus can change your life. If He changed your life, then start acting like it in the classroom. At no point in His 33 years on this messy planet did Jesus in any way insinuate that it would be okay to give a half-ass effort in anything in order that you might tell more people about Him. There are, quite simply, 24 hours in each persons day. We all can and should find, no make, the time to be diligent in the classroom and out of it being students and children of the Most High. And it should be seamless. You cannot have one without the other.
i feel like i get on that tangent every now and then, and i didn't even mean to. sorry.
Here's me, though. What i learned today with gusto was that there are just times when you can work as hard as you can, and give your absolute best and still fail by someone's standards. And that is what i did. Not only did that happen, but it about ruined my whole day. The biggest but, though, is that the someone is not the One. That is why i so need a Savior. i need Him to remind me that His standards are not A's only. His standards are not 4.0. i often make those His standards, and that is why it hit me so hard today. i couldn't understand why i could fail when i shouldn't have. Life is hard, though. Much harder than class. And we all will fail even when we are doing the right things. It's at those times when the Comforter makes His presence felt. It's in those times, like today, that i realized that He is the only thing that can complete me. Because everything and everyone else will inevitably fail. No woman on this earth can complete me. No job or any amount of wealth can complete me. I will even fail myself. But never, ever, ever will the Lord God Almighty, who was and is and is to come, fail me. And He will not fail you, either. He promises to bear our burdens with us. He never said He'd take them away, but He'll shoulder them right along side of us, and His half is so much bigger than ours.
4/7/09
Here is Love, vast as the ocean, Lovingkindness as the flood.
In my bedroom in my apartment, i have a picture that is basically just to the left of my head when i am at my desk. This picture contains a group of guys which affectionately call themselves "The Bros." The picture was taken at one of our high school's football games our senior year. It's probably my favorite photo. I love those guys like brothers, and that is why we call ourselves by that name.
i typically am a person who really enjoys having things laid out in front of me. i have no patience for not knowing. This is not all bad, because being in the field of accounting requires this type of person to some extent. But i'm just so tired of being busy. i'm tired of feeling like God is an old friend from high school. i'm tired of remembering when talking was something we did all the time and knowing that it's now just something i do. i'm tired of feeling like worship isn't real. i'm tired of feeling calloused. i'm tired of carrying everything on my back like the huge textbooks i seem to be forever buried in. For Jesus is my first and only true love, and while i am continually seeing Him work in and around me every single day of my life, i have been feeling for some time now that i am putting up a wall in our relationship. David said in the Psalms that all God asks for is a broken heart. He doesn't want fancy sacrifices or cool prayers or memorized Bible verses all the time. He just wants my broken heart. A heart that longs for nothing else to fill it except the Love which has turned the world upside down forever. A heart that realizes that at the foundation of mankind is the same problem. The problem of sin. There is no good person or bad person at the bottom of it all.
Only God and sinners.
God calls for me to be broken over my sin and realize that the only thing that can bridge the chasm between sinners like myself and the holy God of the universe is the cross upon which His Son Jesus died. i know this is true and i have placed my deepest faith in His promise to all of us. But so often i forget from where it was that i was rescued. More importantly, i forget from whom i was rescued. i was rescued from my self. On an October night in 1993 i was made new, but how often i forget! Oh how often.
Christians in Rwanda and in poverty- and war-stricken places all over the world are praying for Americans right now. Even those of us who would call ourselves Christians. Why? Because we are never broken. We are always put together. At least we think so. But because nothing on the outside, nothing in our culture or society can break us, we refuse to allow ourselves to be broken so that God can refine us like gold. So we continue to live inside a huge lie that keeps many of us, even Christians, from tasting the abundant life that Christ offers. An abundant life that is peaceful and rich even if i have nothing to my name besides the clothes on my back and if i am living amidst civil unrest. That is what i want. i want a life the is so real that my circumstances cannot dictate it. i crave an existence that matters for eternity regardless of my reputation. i need to feel God surround me once more in the way that He so longs.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)