8/23/11

last post. sorta.

well everyone (all four of you),

i'm transitioning to tumblr. There are a number of reasons for this, and i assuhttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifre you one of them isn't to prove myself wrong (see a previous post discussing the ultimate merits of blogspot). i honestly just wanted something more simple, so that whatever i posted was a bit naked, if you will--forced to stand on its own merits and not hide behind unnecessary color. Also, i've gotten to a point where i like to post shorter things, and tumblr is a more conducive medium for that.

You'll find a link to this page at the bottom of my tumblr account should you ever wish to peruse the archive of my musings. i'm sure i'll be doing the same.

goodbye.

this will take you there

4/26/11

dependence day.

Patrick Henry's words ("Give me liberty, or give me death"), while having been for the most part of my life something I was proud to think of, have started to taste sour. Don't you see that we have become slaves to that liberty? We would trade true Life for it, dying for that which will kill us slowly anyway by means of the hyper-individualism that plagues us as a result. We're going about it all backwards. Instead, in the reality of Good Friday and Easter Sunday, we find Jesus saying, "Take my liberty, give me death, so that Life may result."

3/27/11

everything sad will come untrue

i am at a place in life where it seems as if i lack the energy to write anything thought-provoking, but that's okay, i suppose.

In reading through the gospels over the last several weeks, i have been struck by a good many things regarding the life and death and resurrection of Jesus, but what has been most vivid is that Jesus was so immeasurably concerned with the well-being of people. It's one of those things that i've known in my head for long time, but i don't know, here it is. Somehow new.

We spend so much of our lives, whether in word or thought or deed, in some sort of introspective quicksand. We may even do something for someone else, but all the while we think, "But how does this make me look?" We spend time on facebook looking for good profile pictures. Of ourselves. We spend significant time every week looking at mirrors that reflect what we hope is an attractive self. We spend the weeks looking forward to a weekend that we hope brings relaxation, to ourselves. We write on blogs or in songs or we paint pictures or take pictures or make things or remake things, all the while hoping the artistic product will somehow reflect positively on the creator. i am only being honest. i see it everywhere. i see it in my own life. As a Christian, you can do "Christian" things that are received well by other Christians, all the while under the guise of "glorifying God with your gifts." But stop. i mean really stop and ask yourself this tough question: do you do what you do for you? or do you do it for the Creator? If no one else in the world could see what you do everyday, would you still do it? Because everything points back to Him eventually. He gets to have a capital C. He has overcome the world. He stood up in the temple and read a prophecy about Himself from Isaiah, sat down, said "Today this has been fulfilled in your presence," and that was His sermon. And it was better than any sermon you'll ever hear.

Do you see where i'm going with this? If Jesus be God, and if He is the Creator and Sustainer and the Reconciler of all things, and if His ministry consisted of putting sinful people and their best interests before His own life, then how arrogant are we to be so mindful of ourselves? There are people hurting in this world with a deep pain that we will never experience, and yet we think to ourselves that no one has it worse than us. There are people who must work multiple jobs to just put food on the table and a roof overhead for their families, and yet we complain and mourn the fact that we must work "long hours" and that nobody else really knows what it's like to go through "busy season." We choose to remain hurt in relationships because we like to play the victim rather than being a vehicle of reconciliation. We actually in some sick, disgusting way look forward to people hurting us so that we can hold it against them in the future. i do these things. i am selfish and petty and proud.

But Jesus is alive, though once dead. And He spurs us on, toward others. You see, you and i cannot effect change in ourselves, by ourselves. God changes us when we love Him and when we take His Love to the people around us. So let us stop being so self-focused, and let us decrease in every way. Let us subordinate our very selves to the King who would die a sinner's death on a rugged cross so that you and i might be counted righteous.

1/18/11

my Hope is built on nothing less.

How in the world i got to be an accountant, i'll never know. And i expect that as dry as accounting is to most everyone, even my knowing wouldn't constitute desire on your part for me to share. Yet, all the same, here i am in Raleigh, North Carolina, a real-live accountant.

It has been interesting already to realize so vividly that the reason God wants us to work hard in the classroom is not so we necessarily gain a bunch of knowledge, but so we gain wisdom and understanding about how to learn. i'm relatively certain that i will use almost none of the knowledge i have gained in the last 3.5 years during my time in Raleigh, but i am already certain that my ability to learn will be put to the test every single day. In college, learning is not required for passing grades or even decent grades. People know how to work the systems in which they find themselves.

Enough of my soapbox.

i do really enjoy tax, though.

i absolutely loathe not seeing my best friend.


The question that most nags at my heart is, "How will i find the time to grow closer to Jesus, and further from myself? And if i cannot find it, how will i cultivate it?" The question in itself shows how much i need Him, if i am worried about when i will speak with Him and listen in return. It scares me to think of how often Jesus is not as important to me as He ought to be. It scares me that i sometimes treat Him more like a cousin that i talk to on facebook every now and then, rather than El Shaddai, God Almighty.

12/7/10

the unbroken Song.

This has been, without question, the most difficult absence from this blog that i have ever dealt with. Since the last post, the word "busy" has taken on a completely new meaning in my mind, as school and other involvements got to a point where i felt like i was on the verge of breaking down multiple times a day. i am the type of person that likes to work through an issue or a problem and then come to a conclusion, because i simply like to see things get done. But throughout the last couple of months, there were so many things going on at once, and none of them were coming to completion, that i really felt like i was going to go crazy.

But i did not (exactly) go crazy. And i assure you that such a fact is quite an example of God caring for me and Loving me more than i can fathom. His Strength really was made perfect at times when i felt there was no way i would be able to carry out my responsibilities at all, much less with any quality. It was one of those simultaneously harrowing and wonderful times. Although i don't know if i've ever been quite so scared and comforted in my life, at the same time. And to be honest, probably mostly scared.

But that is enough context into the story behind the reasons for my absence, i should now like to make things right.

The first order of business is that my life has been completely and most incredibly changed, forever. And why? Well, it seems that i succeeded in pulling off one of the greatest frauds the world has ever seen by tricking my best friend into becoming my future wife, for when i asked her to marry me, she said "yes!!" This is a fact that i have yet to come to a full grasp of, but i suspect i probably never will. It has been an immense joy and privilege and the most exciting learning experience of my life spending the last 13 months getting to know Amy, and also getting to know myself. It really is very interesting that i hardly know what to write about it now, just as i hardly could get words out when i was on one knee on the night of November 18th.

Moments like that are the kind that you may not even dream of because they seem so foreign or so distant that dreaming seems irrational or silly. But i assure you, whatever dreams i had of finding a woman i wanted to marry and spend the rest of my life with were but a really scribbled out, 4-year old sketch of what God had in store. Because here's the thing about marriage that most everyone in the world, including Christians, gets wrong. And in getting it wrong we miss out on what God really has in store for us:

God did not create marriage to make a husband and a wife happy, and He did not create a marriage so that we could have sex, and He did not create marriage to meet all our needs. God created marriage so that a man and a woman together could do more for His Kingdom and His Glory than they could by themselves. He created marriage to teach us the toughest lessons anyone could ever learn about what it means to love others. He created marriage to give us the most incredible picture of His Love for us, sinners. And it is the sincere prayer and hope of Amy and i that we would seek first His Kingdom. Above all else.

So, thank you dear Reader, for reading throughout the lifetime of this blog. i am now betrothed. To be married. And as much as i could go on and on ad nauseum over my excitement of this fact, i will refrain.

Yesterday was the last day of class of the last semester of my undergraduate college education. There are probably 8 inches of snow on the ground (in my mind this is a conservative estimation), and ASU has a quarterfinal playoff game Saturday afternoon, and i am two cumulative finals away from Christmas break. This is another fact that has yet to hit me, although unlike the previous one, i'm sure this one will, eventually, hit me. How in the world am i almost to the end of college? i remember very vividly moving into my freshman dorm, and it was hot, and i was wearing a red Nautica t-shirt that Phil left at my house and i never gave it back. And i didn't know a thing about accounting, and although i am just now beginning to grasp the depth of accounting knowledge of which i am totally unaware, i do at least know a few things. So take that for what you will.

The last three and a half years have been quite a whirlwind. i went to New York City for the first time. i went to Mexico City twice. i went to New York City for the second time and Washington, D.C for the first time. i met my fiance (and my match) on a plane back from Mexico City the second time. i traded good times with friends for studying more than i should have my sophomore year. i found that i was naive about alot of things. i know that i am still naive about alot of things. i found that accounting slowly but surely has eroded my athletic abilities, as well as my skills on a basketball court. i missed my family an awful lot. i was a cheerleader and coach for the most dominant co-ed soccer team this world has seen. i found brothers. i (thankfully) did not get a 4.0. i played music with the most talented bunch of musicians that i ever have or probably ever will have the privilege of playing with.

But really, the best thing about the last three and a half years is that i've learned (albeit very, very slowly) how to grow closer to Jesus when no one is watching, and to try and crucify my awful pride when people are watching, and to become more and more like the son of the King that i am. In God's economy, the last are first, and the first are last. His is the currency of Grace. His is life everlasting and abundant. His is dominion and rule and authority over all of Creation, including you and me. How does that impact your life today? Will you let it? Do you even know that God desires an intimate relationship with you so much that He would send His Son Jesus to die for you and me on a Roman cross? Because He does. He has pursued you since before you were, relentlessly giving chase after your heart. All that's left is for you to respond in faith, realizing you could never cover your sin, and that that sin is keeping you eternally separated from God in His Kingdom. Then believe that His Son Jesus' death for you not only covers sin, but totally wipes it away. That is the gospel, and it has changed me, and it continues to change me, and the whole world will never be the same.



In closing, as it nears Christmas Day, i would like to share with you the following poem by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow. It was written on Christmas Day in 1864, in the midst of America's Civil War. Entitled "Christmas Bells":


"I heard the bells on Christmas Day
Their old familiar carols play,
And wild and sweet
The words repeat
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!


And thought how, as the day had come,
The belfries of all Christendom
Had rolled along
The unbroken song
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!


Till, ringing, singing on its way,
The world revolved from night to day,
A voice, a chime
A chant sublime
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!


Then from each black accursed mouth
The cannon thundered in the South,
And with the sound
The carols drowned
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!


It was as if an earthquake rent
The hearth-stones of a continent,
And made forlorn
The households born
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!


And in despair I bowed my head;
"There is no peace on earth," I said;
"For hate is strong,
And mocks the song
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!"


Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:
"God is not dead; nor doth he sleep!
The Wrong shall fail,
The Right prevail,
With peace on earth, good-will to men!"

10/24/10

Inquisite.

Even the cried river must be crossed,
for what is a man, if he will not build bridges?
And even burnt bridges must be repaired,
for what is a man, if he turns from the singeing?

A vapor that has already dissipated,
An empty tent.

10/14/10

thank you.

There are certain things that must be said. Do you realize how many things ought to be said but are instead assumed by everyone, and not said? Lots of things.

i find it amazing how quickly Pandora radio went from being a really cool, newish technology to now morphing into an advertising website that sometimes plays the music you wish it to. i do very much appreciate its existence and the trend of internet radio that it helped to pioneer, but oh how quickly profit changes things. You can quote me on that: "Oh how quickly profit changes things." - thewelfareblogger. Bam. Free.


About two hours ago, i was really tired and wanted to go to bed, but i decided to make a pot of coffee and do some homework so that my morning would be free of worry or care. Well, it so happens that the homework was interesting, and i enjoyed it. That has happened more this semester than probably any other semester, i would say. At any rate, the coffee has not only gotten me through the reading, but has in fact sustained my heart rate and attention span at such levels that sleep is not so close as i imagined it would be at 1:52am. Writing is the best thing i know to do in such situations, and it has been entirely too long since i have written anything anyways. So here i am, and there you are.

Many people believe Jazz music is impeccable. And it is. But how many conversations have you overheard where the matter of that which your are overhearing is centered around John Coltrane or Wynton Marsalis? And for those of you who assume that Jazz music is not worth listening to, then it must be said that i feel sorry for you. i cannot sit idly by and simply assume you are worth feeling sorry for. i must tell you. Still more people are of the persuasion that says "flying planes is awesome." But, if you stop and think about it, how ridiculous is it that thousands of pounds of metal and flesh can be tens of thousands of feet in the air? And it's not like God is dangling the plane from heaven with some invisible heavenly titanium string of sorts. At least not to my limited knowledge. It must be said that such acts of gravity defiance are beautiful. Almost everyone assumes that anything being described as characteristically Dutch must be, on all counts, wondrous. But no one bothers to say that. Except, of course, me.

But it is very hard for me to write and not have something (hopefully) meaningful to say, and so i leave you with this: Stop assuming that others know you are sorry for whatever hurt you've caused. Stop thinking that asking forgiveness is simply a formality. Stop getting angry at others for not offering help when you have not asked for it. And since most everyone assumes our generation is practically thankless and does not hesitate to say so, let us never keep our thanks silent, because it is not a given. You see, the number of ways words can be misinterpreted is far exceeded by the number of ways silence can be misunderstood.

10/3/10

"Cleaning Blood"

There is a certain blood that cleans,
without a special shade or sheen.
Yet poured out on the cross is seen
the life of God, for you and me.

9/27/10

Leaves fall just like snowflakes.

"There is a kind of happiness and wonder that makes you serious."
- C.S. Lewis


Do you understand that? i mean, is that something that exists in your life? Because you need it. Humans, by virtue of being created in the very image of His Majesty the King, need it. It is a need imprinted on our souls in a way that DNA could never hope to describe, and it must come to fulfillment only in the joy that exists when we realize that abundant life is found only in Jesus' unfair murder. Do you see it there? It is a happiness and wonder to be loved by God, but how can we not be serious when that Love knew no bounds, found no quenching, and keeps pouring down like the thunderstorm outside right now? It is silly to speak of Jesus' Love in only lighthearted, warm ways when it was that same Love that went to Golgotha, and it was that same Love that is jealous and passionate in such awe-inspiring ways that our only response is as Isaiah: "Woe is me! For I am lost; for I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips; for my eyes have seen the King."

Do you know what it is to be loved by a person to such an extent that you are almost scared of it? You find yourself hurting that person and failing miserably at loving them back, and yet they still pursue you with what seems like relentless intensity. It is a sobering and humbling place in which to find yourself, but it is also life-changing. But Jesus. Don't you see that He is so immeasurably more relentless and passionate and jealous for you? Don't you see that He can never fail you? Don't you see that even your husband or your wife or your mother or your father or your best friend could never in eternity hope to Love you without ceasing, and without dimming the quality and the perplexity of that Love?

"This mystery is profound..."

9/12/10

"You can get all A's and still flunk life."

i am in a class--which is covering topics in financial accounting--and the other day my professor made a very thought provoking comment, which, it lacking any nerdy technical value, i thought i would share.

He had been speaking specifically about the financial crisis that we are either still wallowing in or at most finding a small thorny vine with which to start pulling ourselves out, and in commenting on the suspect lending policies at many fine banking institutions, he said the following:

"Any con game that is successful is not successful because of the greed of the con man, for that is a given. In reality, the successful con game is just so because of the greed of the victim."


Yes, you can find truth, even in ACC 4550.